Righteousness or jealousy? Following the minister's suit

The Jakarta Post ,  Jakarta   |  Sun, 10/01/2006 9:40 AM  |  Life

A friend of mine could not hide his anger upon reading a story in a weekly tabloid about the marriage of 50-year old State Secretary Yusril Mahendra to 22-year-old Japanese woman Rika Talentino Kato.

""She's too young for him,"" he griped and then mumbled something about a United Nations convention before gazing into space.

Catching his eye, however, I got the impression he was more jealous than disapproving. Perhaps he was thinking that Rika should have married him instead, I wondered.

As I always portray myself as a humble family man, who never thinks even for a second of betraying my wife, I told that friend of mine that Yusril had every right to get married -- including to a much younger bride -- as he had already divorced his first wife, Kessy Sukaesih.

Haha: that friend of mine may have tried to hide his jealousy of Yusril, not knowing that I shared his sentiments.

Many men out there feel envious of the minister merely because they have had no opportunity to follow his suit. In front of their wives they condemn him, only because they are too afraid of their spouses or in-laws.

My wife recently pressed me to tell her my honest feelings about Yusril's second marriage. ""Do you agree with his marriage,"" she asked sweetly.

""Of course.....""

""Of course what?"" she calmly replied, her pupils dilating to the size of an eagle's.

""Of course...n...o...t,"" I replied, blinking rapidly.

""Do you think I am too old for you?"" she continued.

""Not...too... but... enough,"" I answered. She did not talk to me for three days and resumed communication only because she had not received my salary.

As I consider myself a devout Catholic, I refuse to entertain any idea of divorce. (For the sake of argument, however, I always insist Jesus never explicitly banned men from taking more than one wife.)

My wife always stares at me every time I recount -- perhaps already a thousand times -- the joke by a comedian from the Srimulat Group about his reason to betray his wife.

In the joke, the comedian's wife catches him red-handed keeping a mistress and takes the matter to his boss. Pretending to be wise, the boss scolds the treacherous husband and compares the shattered wife to a delicious food. ""Why do you still eat outside if your own food is so delicious at home?""

The husband replies: ""Yes, the food is very delicious, but I have always eaten the same menu for years, Pak.""

The late Pak Bendot was one of my favorite comedians. The elderly comic was once teased by his friends that he was already too old to attract a woman. And his reply was? Yang penting rasanya bung (what matters is the taste, not the age).

Sometimes, I overhear mothers advising their grown-up daughters to prioritize kepribadian aspects when choosing their would-be husbands. Literally kepribadian means a (good) personality, but the meaning often shifts in practice to mean other assets; material wealth such as a house, car and perhaps time deposits in Swiss banks.

The mothers only want to make sure their daughters will not economically suffer after marriage. They are also likely keeping an eye on their own future security.

Back to Yusril's marriage, some say his new wife is too young and that she could be his daughter. What are they suggesting; that he marry a woman as old as his grandmother?

Yusril is not the only minister in the current Cabinet who has married a second time. Foreign Affairs Minister Hassan Wirajuda married a woman from the State Secretariat staff after divorcing his first wife. Many more less famous men out there marry much younger women for a range of reasons. So, what is the fuss!?

-- Kornelius Purba/purba@thejakartapost.com

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