Indraswari, Bandung
Every year Muslims celebrate Idul Fitri -- also known as Lebaran, which marks the end of Ramadhan. Muslims are supposed to be ""reborn"" and pure on this day, free from sin and impurity as a result of fasting for a month. In the morning on Idul Fitri, Muslims gather together at mosques, fields or other open spaces to pray together. Many people also visit the graves of deceased relatives to pray for them.
Since Idul Fitri is a special occasion, the celebrations often are not simple. Long before the big day people begin making preparations, such as buying new clothes, preparing special foods and booking tickets to travel to their hometowns to mark the holiday, which is known here as mudik.
Another tradition during Idul Fitri is sungkem, which is to show respect and humility to somebody by kneeling down in front of them and pressing your nose to their knee. While doing this, the kneeling person asks for forgiveness for any past transgressions. The person being knelt to is also supposed to give and ask for forgiveness, since as humans nobody is free from mistakes. Sungkem is mainly practiced by the Javanese and Sundanese, and nobody knows when exactly this tradition became part of Idul Fitri celebrations.
As a Javanese Muslim, I am used to doing sungkem every Lebaran. When I was a little girl I did it to my great-grandparents and grandparents, when we did the mudik to my parents' hometown. The ritual was always the same. In the morning we prayed, then did sungkem, followed by a big Lebaran meal.
I remember my sisters, parents, cousins, aunts and uncles lining up to kneel in front to my great-grandparents and grandparents, who were all seated. A few days before Lebaran my parents would remind me to speak in high Javanese when asking for forgiveness. As for my sisters and others in the family who were about the same age, such as cousins, we normally shook hands and hugged each other.
Beyond the family circle, sungkem shows us where are we in the class structure. During Lebaran celebrations, though the act of forgiving is mutual, it has never been the case that people of a higher status kneel to those of a lower ones. Employees do not normally kneel to their employers, but if we consider maids as employees (and they are indeed employees) then they do so. On some occasions I have seen maids kneeling to the families for whom they work, in particular the house owners -- the bapak and ibu -- who are basically their employers.
What does all this mean? Sungkem is more than just kneeling and asking for forgiveness. It is a way to pay respect and in some cases say thank you. But more than that, the act of sungkem implies who is higher and who lower in status. In the family, not only do children kneel to their parents and older family members, wives are encouraged to do it to their husbands, which implies that wives are not equal partners. Maids kneel to the homeowners, sending a message that they are not merely employees but are part of the family, only of a lower status than the core family members.
I personally prefer shaking hands, with a hug or kiss for close family members and friends. I feel sungkem creates a gap between me and whoever I kneel to. Politically, shaking hands is more ""democratic"" than sungkem.
As I am now a mother, will I ask my son to kneel to me on Lebaran day? I will not. I will ask for his forgiveness (since I feel far from a perfect mother) while shaking hands and giving him a hug and kiss. This is much more intimate than asking him to kiss my knee. I will do the same to my husband.
For some people sungkem is inseparable from Idul Fitri. As for me, I always enjoy Lebaran, with or without sungkem, as it has always been a happy family occasion.
The writer is a lecturer in the Department of Public Administration, School of Social and Political Science, Parahyangan Catholic University, Bandung.
