By Yundi Aditya
She had not been feeling well for weeks but tried to conceal the fact from all of her work colleagues and friends.
She could never quite work out exactly why she was not feeling well -- all she knew was that somewhere deep down inside of her there was discontent. There was an unhappiness that just hung over her like her own personal cloud.
She was never discourteous or nasty to anybody around her, it was just that each day she did not feel at ease. There seemed to be some kind of internal malady bothering her that she could not explain. She maintained the faade of ""everything is just fine, how are you?"" with a weak smile on her face but inside the malady was eating away at her.
The faade of the weak smile was enough to keep acquaintances content and not suspecting that anything was wrong but she could not fool her best friend, whom she had known from high school years.
""I know that something is bothering you but I also know you well enough to know that you are not going to share it with me. You're just too stubborn for that, but you'd better do something or this is just going to get worse."" Her best friend's words were intended to help but just seemed to annoy her even more.
""Well, if I am so stubborn there isn't much point talking with me then, is there?"" she replied in a simultaneously stubborn and petulant manner.
""You know you are absolutely right! There isn't any point in me talking with you, but I think I know someone that you should talk to. I'm sure he will sort you out!""
It seemed like a challenge; like a gauntlet had been thrown down.
""Huh, I doubt whether anyone that you could recommend would be of any great use to me."" The friendship was being strained under the weight of this unknown problem. ""We'll see about that. Just you wait there a moment and I will find his contact details. He is a wise old man, a kind of spiritual guru, you might say.""
Her eyes rolled skywards as she dismissively said, ""Oh great, another one of your New Age weird old men that think that they know all about the world. Not much point seeing jumped-up clowns like that.""
""Very well then, if that is the way you feel but you will never know unless you tried -- and what's to lose? It's your choice."" With this she scribbled the name and address on a scrap of paper and handed it to her best, but straining, friend.
""What? No phone number?""
""No! Just go there and see him. He'll do you the world of good!""
""Just to prove you wrong, I just might!""
Days rolled on into weeks and it was almost a month later that she came again across the scrap of paper with the address on it. At first she screwed it up and threw it in the general direction of her trash can. It bounced off and lay there on the floor looking at her, almost challenging her to pick it up and open it up again.
Once, twice she glanced at it and then a third time. Things had not improved for her and so she went to the piece of paper again.
A light breeze flipped it over and for a moment it looked to her as though the paper was opening up again by itself. But no! She reached down and swiftly picked it up and glanced at the address again -- which she somehow seemed to remember anyway.
Thirty minutes later she was standing outside the door of a rather old house that stood in the shadows of one of Jakarta's many rising apartment blocks. The house probably dated back to colonial days and did not seem to be particularly well kept.
Negatively she whispered to herself, ""Great I'm going to take advice from some old man that can't even keep his own house."" And she knocked on the door, half wishing that she had not.
Within seconds the door was being opened but she heard no keys or locks being turned. The old man that came to the door was hunched and his skin was blotched by the years. His eyes, though tired, were kindly as he enquired as to what she wanted.
Embarrassed and haltingly she explained her best friend's recommendation and added her doubt that he could do anything for her.
""I see, I see"" he said with a smile that did not betray any ill-feeling toward her negativity. ""Well, we shall see. Come on in and sit. Let me get you some tea.""
She wanted to say ""no thank you"" believing that she would not be there long but before she could he was already returning with a steaming cup of tea for her and one for him too.
""There you are. Have a few sips on that and tell me what's on your mind.""
Without response, without thinking she did as she was told and was soon talking at length to him about her life; what was happening to her and what she was feeling each day. The aromatic tea tasted good and seemed to soothe her. She was quickly opening her heart and mind to him in a way that she could or would never do with anyone else.
He sat listening, impassively. The time went on and her words continued. It was almost as if she could not stop but then she looked at his face and saw that he was frowning. She became worried and asked him what the matter was.
Instantly he flew into a rage. Hurling abuse at her; complaining about all the things that she had told him.
""So you are nobody and nothing and useless! Your entire life you have been a time-waster. Taking advantage of your position and friends! You are a disgrace! Look at you, sniveling over little nothings that are all your own making!""
Her temper began to rise and soon she was shouting back at him and defending herself and all that she had done. Her life was definitely not a waste. She was not useless. Look at all her achievements.
But he continued to pour scorn on her. She did not impress him at all. She was just making excuses and trying to cover up her weaknesses according to him. She continued to defend herself and by now sweat from the heated argument was running down her neck and her heart was beating faster. This went on for about another ten minutes, as he continued his questions and challenges, doubting all that she said and she continued to defend and uphold her good name.
They were facing each other in a verbal fight; both sitting on the edge of their seats and literally shouting at each other. Then suddenly he snapped back in his chair, crossed his legs and began to smile. She was still furious and gripped the arms of the chair that she was sitting on with knuckles whitening under her tight grip.
""You see"", he said with a gentle smile, ""there is a key to your happiness. There you really are"", and he pointed to her heart and her eyes.
""You have defended yourself so well. You have spoken so well of yourself and it is all true. Appreciate what you have and who you are, and you can do well. It is a key to happiness. It is not the only key to happiness but it is a great and important key to happiness. You have it within you. You must find it and treasure it.""
She suddenly became conscious of the sweat running from her head making her hair and neck wet. She suddenly felt her quickened heart beat. She suddenly became conscious of whom she really was and she got a glimmer of what she needed to do.
Without a word she left him but he just smiled and whispered ""Whenever we look within, there is always hope. There is always a key.
