Legal aid success story: Sayu

Sun, 03/09/2008 12:42 AM | Discover

When Sayu Kadek was 18 years old, she had some very bad luck. Her boyfriend Made, 27, whom she loved, had worked himself into a frenzy begging her to sleep with him after all the years they had been seeing each other.

Made had brain surgery earlier in life, and when he became upset, his head began to hurt. In panic and compassion, Sayu relented, just once, feeling sure that pregnancy couldn't happen the first time.

She was wrong, and she has been grappling with the consequences ever since.

Sayu is now 25 and a single mother. She is an attractive woman with large eyes and thick black hair falling well below her hips.

And in telling this story, she permitted the use of her full name.

She opens her photo album. Among some old faded family photos are a few wedding pictures -- mostly images of herself alone in gold-patterned cloth wraps and a shimmering headdress -- and the one photo she still has of the groom: tall, thin and stiff, with white makeup and red lipstick to match her own.

She and Made, who is her second cousin, are from a small village in northern Bali, but Sayu headed south seeking work 10 years ago, when she was 15 -- Sayu's parents could not afford to send her to high school.

For four years, Sayu worked at a restaurant and she was in love with Made. According to her, he was kind and quiet, and he made people laugh. Eventually they started renting a room together in Denpasar to save more money.

Then Sayu discovered she was pregnant -- but Made's parents had been trying to find him a wealthier wife. Upon hearing the news, his parents went to a witch doctor (dukun) who said Made was infertile, so they refused to believe that Sayu's baby was his.

Still, Sayu and Made used all their savings on a traditional wedding, and were married 12 days after they found out she was pregnant.

In the meantime, Sayu said, Made's family spent large amounts on black magic, trying to hurt Sayu and her baby. Living and working back in the city for an aunt with a market stall, Sayu actually lost weight during her pregnancy, "like a stick with a protruding belly", she recalled.

When Sayu was five months pregnant, Made's family called a village meeting and, as if in a trance, Made asked for a divorce. Sayu refused again and again. Her in-laws again consulted a dukun who told them that if the child was a boy, it was Made's and they should accept it. If not, then Sayu and the baby would be thrown out.

Sayu finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and stayed with her parents. At first, Made visited and brought small amounts of money, but soon he stopped coming. When she went to find him, he told her he never wanted to see her again, and insisted again that he wanted a divorce.

Later, Made's sister returned a small bag of Sayu's belongings. When Sayu opened it, she was terrified to find a snake among her clothes. Her uncle said the clothes had been cursed, so he burned them.

Sayu thus found herself with no husband, almost no clothes, none of the wedding gifts from her many friends, or any of her wedding jewelry on which she had spent her savings.

Sayu was desperate to find work to support her child. Eventually, when her daughter was about 9 months old, she found work as a domestic helper and nanny with a sympathetic family in southern Bali, and has now been with them for more than five years.

She arrived in faded clothes clutching one plastic bag containing a change of clothes, a comb and a toothbrush. She tried to tell herself that maybe all the difficulties were simply her "life's path". Now that she was safe, she could focus on working to support her family.

But Sayu still had a problem.

Last year, Made remarried without arranging for their official divorce as agreed. Sayu could not get an identity card, as her marital status was unclear; she also could not remarry if she wanted to, and her daughter had no birth certificate.

She related that attempts to get help from village authorities and Made's family only brought her frustration, harassment and tears.

Even though Made had broken the law, Sayu's family expected her just to accept the situation, as prescribed by Balinese customs, or adat.

Despite the heavy stigma Sayu faced as a divorced, single mother in Bali, she had self-respect; so she went to the Legal Aid Institute's Bali branch (LBH Bali). There, LBH lawyers assisted Sayu in mediating with her husband's family and the village authorities to resolve the situation.

Today, Sayu displays her divorce document proudly, and she is on track to sorting out her life.

"In my village and my family, everyone says that I'm a hard woman, demanding and persistent. Some admire and support me, but some wish I would just be quiet," she said.

"I have only asked for my rights as a woman, as a mother. I'm only trying to do the right thing for my child, and I have worked hard and earned every rupiah to support my child. She has everything she needs, and above all, I want her to have a good education and be whatever she wants to be."

Sayu also wants people to see that Balinese women can stand on their own feet and fight for their rights, too.

And in this, she is leading by example.

-- Jane Raniati

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