Humans need 'caressing'

Ningky Munir , Contributor, Jakarta | Wed, 06/18/2008 10:44 AM | Management

Experts say a baby will grow healthy and happy if he is frequently caressed. On the other hand, if a baby is given nutritious food but very few caresses it will make him a difficult baby that often cries and gets sick and his development into adulthood will be affected. In fact, it is a similar case with grownups. That means me, you, our superiors, colleagues and subordinates, simply all adults.

Caressing in this case should not be interpreted as merely something physical, but it can be praise, expression of appreciation, perhaps something material or tangible or emotional support. Some examples are statements like "You can do it!", raising of one's thumb, or an appreciative look from a colleague during your presentation. By understanding the actual concept of caressing one can interact with others more smoothly and effectively.

Caressing is a free translation of the word stroking, which can mean recognition toward oneself or from someone else. This recognition can be in the form of appreciation, which is something positive, but also negative such as punishment. One positive example is when you arrive at the office and say hello to a colleague who smiles back or pats you on the shoulder. Another example is when a client agrees to make a transaction after your presentation. How would you feel in these two instances? Of course, you would be delighted.

Self stroking or caressing is done by someone with high self-esteem. Others who have low self-esteem and often berate themselves as being stupid, poor, just a subordinate, unreliable and so on need stroking or caressing from other people.

We must note that even those with high self-esteem, the self stroking does not guarantee that they will not be lonely from time to time, so interaction with others and their stroking is necessary. Even super successful people cannot deny that they need others for this. They can never honestly say that they do not need others.

Similarly, those with low self-esteem cannot easily discard the loneliness or sadness in their hearts even if they receive plenty of appreciation and lots of applause. At the end of the day they will still feel worthless.

Human beings have a number of ways to get caressed. There are six categories of how a person uses his or her time or time structure. The categories start from those that have a low possibility of being caressed. Actually the less interaction we have, the fewer caresses we get, but at the same time there is also less possibility of being hurt or disappointed by others. So, seeking out caresses takes a lot of courage while at the same time faces the risk of being disappointed by others.

The first category or group consists of those who avoid others. Generally, they have low self-esteem and have negative experiences when interacting with others; they are the shy type or would like to be left alone or they simply do not know how to get the attention of others. They are completely passive to the possibility of getting caresses and tend to avoid interaction. So, nothing gets in, nothing gets out.

The second group uses a certain ritual or routine, to be more precise. The routine here is a behavior pattern of predictable responses by both parties. A simple example here is such greetings as "Good Morning", "Assalamu'alaikum", "Hello, how are you?" -- all these have a great possibility of being responded to. Likewise, smiling is also another effective way.

The third group chat about less important topics just to make conversation with others. The topics could include one's family, the latest news or some other hot news like some political development. Through this method the third group has a better chance of being caressed.

Group number four is full of activities, like working for achievements and rewards, including getting caressed. Naturally, work brings money, status, friends and so forth. Other activities include sports, taking courses, becoming club members and the like. Taking courses results in more knowledge and a diploma or possibly a degree, all of which enriches one's status.

To the fifth group, life is like a risky game that they play. They seek out caresses by using various methods. The caresses can be mostly negative, while some can be positive. The method itself is also either positive or negative. The players of life games frequently create a scenario, which actually reflects their own lives' stories. One example is when they wish to topple someone they dislike or dream of becoming the top manager. Again the results can be positive or negative, meaning successful or full of disappointment.

The last group conducts open and transparent interactions. This is the complete opposite of the first group, the avoiders. However, to a certain extent, it is quite risky. They often use their thoughts and ideas to get responses or even to encourage others to do things their way. Such open interactions actually need maturity in order to survive.

As illustrated here, caressing is obviously one source of energy for human beings to step further ahead. As we are already grownups it is useless to look back at how we were raised and whether it affected how we interact. Naturally, the greater the interaction, the greater the possibility of being rewarded with caresses or being disappointed. So, it is up to us whether we want to stay in group one or be bold enough to be included in the sixth group -- and certainly not in group five, which is greedy to be caressed by any means possible.

Comments (0) | Post comment

A | A | A |