Trial by coffee: The attack of the trainee hotelier

Jeremy Wagstaff | Mon, 06/23/2008 10:36 AM | Sci-Tech

My supposedly invincible Panasonic Toughbook took a bath a couple of days ago when a waitress poured coffee all over it (and me).

I tried not to take it personally. It's that absurd thing that I have converted into a rule: The fancier the hotel, the more insistent the staff are of wanting to put coffee and food down, not some place where it won't be in the way, but right next to you -- even when you're clearly in the middle of a key discussion/interview/meeting/nap.

So I guess it serves me right for thinking hotel lobbies are places to meet people. It was bound to happen.

As I'm a seasoned professional, in the midst of interviewing a technology industry insider with two PR people in attendance, I happen to have a recording of the whole thing. The point when the coffee is spilt goes something like this:

Interviewee: "...in a fast growth economy like India. Bangladesh ..," -- meanwhile ... (sound of crockery slipping, liquid spilling) -- "(expletive)!"

PR flaks (in unison): "Oh no!"

Me: (bizarrely quietly) "Interesting ..."

Flaks (in unison): "Oh dear!"

Me: (still bizarrely quietly) "OK ..."

(Sound of waitress disemboweling self with sugar spoon.)

I always wondered how I'd react under pressure. Now I know I become a bizarrely quiet person.

Still, I held out hope the Toughbook would be up to it. After all, the promotional videos show guys doing stuff to their Toughbook we wouldn't do to our partners (unless they asked us to.) One shows a chimp or two throwing one around a cell-like room, watched by guys with clipboards.

So I threw a fit and demanded to see the management, and then splashed the coffee off under a tap, knowing the damage coffee can wreak (it's mildly acidic, which isn't good for circuits. Or our stomach, come to think of it).

To no avail, within minutes the screen went blank and the laptop I'd had for less than three months stopped working.

Now I know why they call the laptops "drop-and spill-resistant". If it's a spill, you might be ok, so long as it's purified water. And "resistant"? It resists it, as Niles might Maris (characters from the sitcom Frasier).

Panasonic says on its website -- after touting its laptops' resilience to liquids -- that this only applies if you're a teetotal, non-coffee drinking diabetic: "Furthermore, if you spill coffee, soft drinks, or similar liquids on the computer, the keyboard or other parts of the unit may become stained. Sugar and other substances may also cause corrosion, so liquids other than water are more problematic."

And then, in case you haven't quite figured it out yet: "Be aware that the spill resistance of these products in no way guarantees that liquids will not harm them or cause breakdowns."

Still, it kind of ended happily. After a tense stand-off in the lobby, where I growled about lawsuits and the like, the management turned nice and agreed to let me buy a new one and charge them for it. The old unit started up again after a couple of days and Panasonic have promised to find out a) what happened and b) whether it's usable.

Lessons from all this?

Don't believe any waterproof claims from laptop manufacturers. Unless you can guarantee waiters will only sprinkle bottled water, and then only over certain parts of your computer.

If bad things happen and it's not your fault, don't settle for less from those responsible than full and immediate replacement. I made it clear to the phalanx of hotel management that they would face serious claims if I did not check and re-house the hard drive as quickly as possible -- and that meant buying a replacement computer immediately (it helped I was down the road from the place I bought it at the time. Singapore is like that.)

Of course, it's not about the computer: It's really about the data, but it's also about your day. You're a working stiff and you don't deserve to sit on your hands while they try to wriggle out of a full refund.

Back up your data regularly. I was lucky; the hard drive was safe. But I bet a lot wouldn't be (the Panasonic hard drives, unlike most, are wrapped in plastic and protected against shock by foam rubber.)

In sum, don't order coffee in five-star hotel lobbies when you've got a laptop in the area. In fact, don't order coffee anywhere near your computer, unless you're in Starbucks where the cups have sensible bottoms and aren't carried around on wobbly saucers by trainee hoteliers quivering in their high-heels.

Jeremy Wagstaff writes for The Wall Street Journal Asia and the BBC World Service. His guide to technology, Loose Wire, is available in bookshops or on Amazon. He can be found online at jeremywagstaff.com or via email at jeremy@loose-wire.com.

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