Djenar Maesa Ayu

+CHILDREN
My children come first: Banyu Bening and Bidari Maharani, my two girls. My firstborn is called Banyu Bening (meaning clear water) because she is a Pisces. I thought if she was going to turn out to be like her mother, a bit hard to handle, hopefully the clearness in her name could catch hold of her being as a Pisces fish, making her easier for me to observe. The little one, Bidari Maharani, means princess. She used to be called Btari but I think the name was a burden for her. She was always falling ill. I found out Btari could mean princess and with Maharani meaning queen, I think the pressure was too much to bear. I am Javanese and names to us carry a lot of meaning, so I changed her name to something mellower – Bidari (angel).

+INSPIRATION
It varies. There was a time when I could only write in cafés. Another when I could only write in isolation. I feel that inspiration is not something you can seek out. It finds you. Perhaps ideas come through more of an emotional trigger. I feel emotions such as depression and even happiness can trigger inspiration – anything that we feel within us. A creative person always wants to communicate how they feel, their pain, their joy. They want to share that.
For me, ideas can stem from an array of emotions. Inspiration can appear when I am irritated, merry or even when I am blank, because from something empty I might create something that is just as vacant but that may inspire someone else to fill in that void.

+CIGARETTES
Smoking makes me happy. I have been smoking since I was 12, regularly since I was 14. The first time was just experimenting. Then maybe I became addicted because I started so young. I have been faithful to Dunhill menthols since 1987.

+BEER
Bir Bintang or anything by Heineken (same company) if it’s not available, but I am the type of person who is extremely loyal if I like something. I liked Anker but Bir Bintang had better distribution and I hate to change brands. I never used to drink beer. I used to drink cognac but once I like something I am intense. Morning, noon and night, I would drink it like water. Then I had my children and felt I was getting older, so I began to fear for my liver and switched to beer, the lightest.

+SOLITUDE
I am a very simple person. I can live without friends and simply stay at home quietly because I love to daydream. One could say I cannot live if I am unable to enter my imagination. I would not perish if left confined in a room by myself because I love to dream. If I am alone, I do not need people around me. Of course, I still need my cigarettes and beer!

+LAPTOP
I have to write. Imagine if I were in the Gobi desert: What else could I do but write? I was given my Mac as a gift. I do not like to go shopping for anything unless something is broken and I need to. So people kindly buy electronics for me because they get tired of seeing the poor state of my things. When I was in primary school, I used to write my stories by hand, then with the old typewriters before moving to my laptop. It is easier with the laptop. I cannot write by hand anymore. It is not fast enough for me. Also I like to drink and at times when I am inebriated, I write down notes and then can’t decipher them the next day.

+MOCHITO, MY DOG
He is my little white Pomeranian. We have the same birthday, January 14. I named him Mochito because when he was younger he was so adorably white, like a Japanese mochi (rice cake). Now he is a bit on the murky side. He does not like to socialize with other dogs. He is a bit weird because he only likes to be with people.

+Text and photos: T. Veda