Quick Connection

It’s Friday night. You’ve got a date; no, make that 18 dates. You take a deep breath, then another, then another. This may seem excruciating, but the new niche for dating has just gotten better and faster. Maggie Tiojakin picks up the pace of speed dating.

Event organizers Anita Bernardus and Aini Razak call it “Speed Dating under the Mistletoes”, an event held at Midplaza’s Portobelo restaurant in mid-December, to kick off at 7 p.m. They are expecting 19 couples, all of whom have been informed of the strict dress code: “ties for guys” and “pearls for girls”.

At 7:10 p.m., Anita, wearing a black dress, stands at the reception desk with two sets of attendance forms, one for the girls, the other for the boys. So far, there are only three signatures, one local and two expatriates.

Anita explains how this version of speed dating works. A big difference from similar events held in the United States, Australia, Canada and the UK is that this one is free. Portobelo has been kind enough to sponsor the event by lending a few tables and providing free first-round drinks and snacks to all the participants.

“Once everyone is here,” Anita continues, “an emcee will lead them through the process.”

Each couple will have no more than three minutes to get to know one another. After each interval, participants will have to move on to the next date. At the end of the event, participants may contact the organizers to suggest a list of “dates” they want to know better, and if there’s a match, the organizers will provide both parties with the necessary contact numbers.

Why speed dating?

“It’s hard to meet qualified and eligible bachelors or bachelorettes in this city,” says Anita, leaning to one side and glancing expectantly at the door. “And since this is a festive holiday season, Aini and I thought why not hold a gathering where our friends and their friends can have fun and connect with each other?”

She smiles. “Besides, we set up our friends [romantically] all the time, right?”

Two years ago, Anita and Aini – who, during their college years, had the opportunity to see how speed dating is done in the United States and Australia, respectively – held the same conceptual event. Back then, they managed to gather about 10 couples, most of whom were friends of other friends. This is the advantage they’re offering to the participants, says Aini: “Candidates are selected by recommendation only, which means no hidden agenda and definitely no secret spouses or children.”

Anita also says there is a reason they didn’t advertise the event for the public.

“We want to make sure we know the candidates personally.” Regarding the 27–40 age requirement, she says it’s because, “the event is geared toward young professionals with good careers and education.”

Amanda, a petite young woman in a white dress and pearls, is a friend of Anita and Aini who, two years ago, had agreed to participate in speed dating. Tonight, she’s playing “hostess” and “cheerleader” at the event. She flashes a smile, admits that she is already “taken” and is therefore “off the market”.

Asked about her previous experience, Amanda says enthusiastically that she had fun and gained a lot of friends. She adds that “you’d be surprised to find out how much you can cover in a three-minute conversation”.

“It’s a great way to socialize,” Aini says. “I’m still friends with the people I ‘dated’.”

It’s almost 8, and about half of the participants have called in late because of traffic.

“In case we have an odd gender ratio, one of us will have to be a backup date,” says Amanda, chuckling. “Sort of like a stand-in until the real date arrives.”

The door smoothly slides open as though from Star Trek and reveals a 30-something man, dressed in black trousers and a T-shirt. He looks determined, but nervous. Amanda smiles and asks if he’s a participant.

“Unfortunately,” he replies, returning the smile. Amanda hands him a name tag, which is a sticker with the words “Hello, my name is….” written on it. He strides across the room and into the bar area, where other participants have started to mingle. Some candidates have also brought supporters to help them avoid “awkward solitudes”.

It’s a strategic move on the organizers’ part. Anita and Aini say most people are embarrassed to attend such events because they don’t want to be pegged as “desperate singles”. Therefore, on the invitation, Anita suggests participants bring “supporters” who are preferably single and fun to mix with.

“I don’t know if it’s an Indonesian thing,” says Anita. “From our past experience, participants tend to be shy and quiet when they come here alone. It’s as if they need their friends to come and cheer them on. I don’t get it, but that’s how it is.”

By 8:24, 90 minutes behind schedule, the event is about to start. Of the 19 couples, 15 have shown up. Emcee Andini Effendi is searching for a microphone. The stage is set, the tables are cleared. Participants and their supporters huddle on one side of the restaurant, biting their nails, squeezing their hands.

Andini gets up on a small podium and looks across the room. She announces the time and officiates the event, urging the participants to start taking their seats at the numbered tables.

One girl sits by herself at a corner table; Aini quickly fills the empty seat to save her from embarrassment. Andini proceeds to lay down the ground rules: “You have approximately three minutes, and then the guys have to move on to the next table. When you hear the signal, you have to leave. Don’t forget to bring your drinks.”

The signal – the clinking of silverware against a porcelain ashtray – chimes. Random conversation immediately springs into the air, cigarettes are lit, beverages sipped, music blaring from speakers on stage. Ushers (the organizers and their friends) move through the crowd to make sure everyone is comfortable.

Aini, Anita and Amanda watch the event’s progression from a distance. They briefly discuss the issue of time, suggesting that the next event will have to be held around 8 or 9 p.m. to avoid any further delays. Aini notices one participant who can’t stop smoking because he’s too nervous, and another who doesn’t seem to engage herself in the conversations. Overall, they’re pleased.

“I think they’re having a good time,” Anita concludes. “I would say it’s a success.”

Aini nods her head. “The greatest challenge is to find participants who are willing to endure 15 dates in one go. I have to admit, it takes courage to walk up to someone and say ‘Hi, how are you?’ 15 times in a single night,” she says. “But I think it’s fun.”

On stage, Andini ends the interval and gives the signal. Chairs swivel, men stand and shake their dates’ hands, moving on to the next table, as the ritual begins again. Maybe this time it will be the “one”.

Illustration by Lucynda Gunadi

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