Obama emails they didn't want you to see

Nury Vittachi, ,  Bangkok   |  Sun, 02/08/2009 11:23 AM  |  Opinion

Staff at the White House have given Barack Obama his BlackBerry back. You'll recall that the new US President was initially ordered to surrender his beloved popular pocket email device. But at the last minute, they returned it -after inserting extra security devices to stop nosy people reading his emails.

The whole dispute was highly intriguing. What sort of emails does Barack Obama write that have to be kept hush-hush!? What messages did he send in the two weeks before he was inaugurated? My mind started working overtime.

Jan 1. From B. Obama to G. Bush: "Hey, George, they're telling me that I'm not allowed to have my BlackBerry when I'm President. Did they say that to you, too?"

Jan 2. From G. Bush to B. Obama: "Dear Barry, that can't be right. I don't rightly remember about blackberries but I had strawberries LOADSA times, and once I et a whole blueberry cheesecake and was sick all over the Japanese ambassador."

Jan 3. From B. Obama to G. Bush: "Gee, that's too bad. I hope the Japanese ambassador wasn't too sore about it. Actually, I was talking about whether you were allowed to do your own email."

Jan 4. From G. Bush to B. Obama: "Dear Baz, don't worry. The Japanese ambassador was fine. We tole him that in America the ultimate sign a respect was to vomit on someone, heh-heh-heh."

Jan 5. From B. Obama to G. Bush: "Really? Did he believe you?"

Jan 6. From G. Bush to B. Obama: "He shore did. In fact, later that evening, he vomited all over the Pope, who had dropped by to say howdy. The Pope was a bit surprised. Especially when I thanked the Japanese ambassador for what he had done."

Jan 7. From B. Obama to G. Bush: "George, how come you are allowed to do your own email, but I'm not? Can you ask your chief of staff?"

Jan 9. From G. Bush to B. Obama: "I asked him. His reply was: *We are not scared of you leaking information, sir, as we don't give you any, since you are a moronic cretin of the first order.'

It was the nicest thing anyone had said to me, so I gave him a Man Hug. But I only held him tight ten minutes, didn't want him getting the wrong idea."

Jan 10. From Philip Morris to B. Obama: "Dear President-Elect Obama. As the world's most famous Marlboro smoker, we'd like to give you a free supply."

Jan 11. From B. Obama to Philip Morris: "Thanks, guys, but I'm giving up smoking."

Jan 12. From B. Obama to Michelle Obama: "Hey, Meesh. You got something nice to wear on inauguration night?"

Jan 13. From M. Obama to B. Obama: "I'm going to wear a nice designer ball gown, remember?"

Jan 14. From B. Obama to M. Obama: "No, Meesh, I meant something nice to wear for me AFTER all the parties. Remember that negligee?"

Jan 15. From M. Obama to B. Obama: "Honey, I got interviews every morning and I'm wearing a mudpack every night. I need my beauty sleep. You can sleep in the Oval Office."

Jan 16. From B. Obama to Philip Morris: "Dear Mr. Morris, I would like to reconsider your kind offer about the cigarettes."

The writer is a columnist and journalist.

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