Easy way out for urban couples

Desy Nurhayati ,  The Jakarta Post ,  Jakarta   |  Wed, 04/29/2009 1:25 PM  |  City

There is an upward trend in urban areas like Jakarta where couples who experience marital problems tend to take divorce as the easy way out, marriage counselors said Tuesday at a discussion.

Such couples - especially modern and working ones living in big cities - feel they can survive because each partner is financially independent and easily able to find new partners, the counselors said.

"We are concerned with the rising trend of divorce," said Jagadnita Consulting's Dewi Minangsari.

"Couples used to struggle to save their marriage, but now they tend to go for divorce when the going gets tough."

She agreed the financial and social independence of married men and women could be a factor that triggered divorce.

"With advanced education, women begin to realize their rights," she said.

"They know what they want, so they are being decisive in getting a divorce. This factor has somewhat contributed to the rising trend of divorce."

Dewi added the trend was limited to urban areas.

Data from the Religious Affairs Ministry shows the annual divorce rate in the country has increased tenfold during the last decade, from 20,000 cases to 200,000.

In 2008, the divorce rate reached 11 percent of the total number of marriages, up from around 8 percent between 2000 and 2006, according to Jagadnita Consulting. Most of the divorces were blamed on extramarital affairs or incompatibility.

Dewi said most couples reached the decision hastily, without deep consideration, although there were some who got emotionally prepared before they separated, and arranged plans for their children.

"Those who easily decide to get a divorce tend to repeat the mistake once they get married again. This shows they're still immature when they decided to remarry," she said.

Psychologist Kasandra Putranto, from Kasandra & Associates, said the rising trend derived from a shift in social values, combined with various factors that gave married men and women more opportunity to have affairs.

"The main reason for a couple to end their marriage is actually because they want to, but there are a lot of triggers, it's never a single factor," she said.

"They can make up any reason to justify their decision: incompatibility, communication problems, interference from the in-laws, or any problems that actually can be settled if they wanted to."

She added many people, particularly women, were no longer ashamed to have affairs with married people.

"I don't know why, but many women are now proud to be *the other woman' in a marriage. It's no longer considered taboo," she said.

"The other women even feel they are more powerful than the wives. Some of my clients are even reluctant to go to public places because they are afraid they will see their husbands' other women. It's weird, but it's true."

Both counselors agreed good communication was the key to maintaining a healthy marriage and to resolve marital conflicts.

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