A Marriage Made in Skype

The wonders of technology never cease to amaze me, from the capabilities of smart phones, mobile global positioning systems (GPS) and search engines to the myriad applications for computers and the Internet. The numerous variants of real-time online chatting, voice and webcam calls are such examples, and when my husband and I moved into a long-distance relationship, little did we know that we would be entering a new phase in our marriage – one defined by Skype. Well, almost.

Skype is a real-time chat, voice and webcam call application that we use to keep in touch despite the 12,200 plus kilometers between us. Only advanced technology could have helped our marriage to survive the ups and downs of managing a long-distance relationship and raising three children. Gone are the days of writing letters by hand, posting them and waiting in anticipation for the replies. For me, I am too impatient to handwrite a letter without typos or rewrites and when I do finish a letter, it usually ends up sitting inside an envelope that I never remember to post. For my husband, writing a legible letter is tough and sending via an archaic postal system is even more challenging. The more contemporary email also takes a backseat to the faster, nay instantaneous, video chat.

My husband and I thought distance would become secondary thanks to the communication options available to us. Seeing and talking with each other every day would not be a problem – We would not even feel the distance between us. So we thought. Little did we know, though, that technology has altered the way we interact. Throw in complicating factors such as the 11-hour time difference, our individual schedules and the DSL bandwidth differential – mine was turbo fast and his was not-so fast – and you get conversations peppered with audio and visual delays that were frustrating and infuriating.

Especially when I wanted desperately to vent or when I had a thought I wanted to brainstorm with him. Timing, or serious lack of it, affected our communication. When connections were bad, our sentences became clipped and to-the-point. Often this would spill over during the times when we did actually get to see each other.

Living halfway across the globe from each other meant that when I was awake, he was half asleep. When he was chirpy and alert, I would be struggling to keep my eyes open. Occasionally, one of us would end up asleep in front of the webcam. So desperate were we to reconnect at the end and the beginning of our days that words were overridden by visual placation. While I was half asleep, the sight of seeing my kids eating breakfast online was enough to make the day’s angst go away, but at the end of an especially full day, anything we wanted to express to each other would frequently drain away right along with our energy. So we found our communication groove to sit within a defined and finite window of time, learning that even five minutes of headlines and updates serves its purpose when we are both in the same alert state of mind.

Having skype available created a brave new world, far from ordinary phone calls. We ended up rarely using our phones to speak with each other, because skype is free and because international calling rates offered by phone service providers are expensive from both ends.

The biannual get-together during the summers and winters, however, does little to iron out the new behaviors formed during the long-distance marriage. Perhaps without skype it would be a lot worse. Usually, it takes a few weeks for everyone to adjust to having a full house again, where both parents are present in the household and where each spouse confers with the other in most decision-making.

When we are not together, skype is always there sitting in our computers waiting for a video call to be made and it is always there as a constant reminder that the other is just a click away. Although we live continents apart, we feel each other’s presence by proxy.

About a week ago when I was traveling, however, skype failed me. My computer-to-cell phone call dropped out after about an hour of talking. After two days of relentlessly communicating solely by email, I finally discovered that skype had blocked my account because of suspicions of fraudulent activities – because I was not at my usual place of residence.

I was at that time with my husband and children, helping them get ready for another major relocation: back to the U. S. of A. After four frustrating years apart, we would be together again as one family unit. No more depending on skype. I am ecstatic about this latest development despite the enormous fear of moving to a small town, close to nowhere, and with only about 27,000 – predominantly white – people. That is just over a third of the total inhabitants of Central Jakarta and not a single mall in sight. Thinking about it, I might still need skype to talk with my friends.

My earlier dropped call was to my sister in Indonesia and though it is no less important, I am holding out hope that once back in the US my skype access will return to normal and I will be able to pick up where I left off with her. If my account had been blocked while I was still in the States and apart from my family, I would have probably dropped skype like a hot potato and turned to any of the other voice and video call applications out there. After all, my marriage once relied on it. Perhaps given time and my new place of residence, my sanity might rely on skype even more!

+ Indira Pintak

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