Have you ever been inclined to throw your drink at your best friend because once again he's telling you about his promotion, rubbing in the fact you are several steps below in terms of achievement?
Or have you ever considered untagging yourself in a Facebook photo because you look tired or bloated from eating too much casserole while your best friend looks her best? And even if it is your worst fantasy, has it ever crossed your mind that you want to snatch your friend's latest fling because you have been in a dry spell for more than a year?
Let's wear our hair down today and admit this together. We can feel jealous, even if it involves our best friends, no matter how close or intimate you are. There's that "silent competition" we might feel every now and again, and you can't deny it.
My best friend and I, Lady K, have a strange connection sometimes. We're very open to each other about even the most private things: while watching American Idol, we share our dirtiest kinky fantasies about the cute contestants, we construct our creepiest fashion items together and we discuss our complications in dealing with romances or our families. We even speak in the bathroom! Sometimes though, under the darkest full moon, one push of the wrong button and we can potentially spark World War III.
We display this "Tom and Jerry" behavior often in front of our other friends, and many of them label us (in a joking way) as if we are in a relationship! But then we look at each other and say, "Eeek! No way Josay!"
Is it because we're so close that we unconsciously build this kind of platonic relationship and get easily worked up when one of us crosses the boundary. Doesn't the word "friends" stand for being able to accept each other in good and bad times? How do I become a "frenemy" to my own best friend?
My observations suggest there are three classes of frenemies. The first is the "best frenemy", which is your best friend and number one enemy. The second frenemy is the one at work, that co-worker who seems nice but actually loves to see you fail in order to make themselves look better. The third frenemy is the walk-on variety, those people who are less important to you but after exchanging a greeting they will proceed to gossip behind your back.
Each type of frenemy will have different sensitive spot to target. A friend of mine can explode if someone touches on the matter on his lifestyle choice. Another can lose it if asked when she is going to find a husband. One of my former best friends will show his brutal side if somebody steps on his toes about drinking alcohol. I can be a rampaging bitch when my colleagues start commenting on my weight.
We all have insecurities now and again that we don't like to deal with, or be reminded about, or have brought up in front of the whole world. We cannot avoid the fact that we live and interact with frenemies every day.
Particularly as we grown up and become more selective about our friends, our expectations for them to be honest and credible rise as well.
We expect them to not be flawed in any way. Ironically, as dangerous as it may sound, who could touch on our sensitivities more than our close friends, who know us best? Otherwise how is it that just one comment can turn our bff (best friend forever) into our bef (best enemy forever)?
I remember having an out of body experience when my normally very chilled friend Natasha became vicious as another friend began discussing her former bff. Natasha began calmly explaining that the problem was her friend's, but soon lost her cool when the other person asked why she became friends with such a strange person in the first place. She felt she was being judged by that question.
Then I suddenly realized it's actually our own egos that act as our worst frenemies. Friends are friends, they're only human with an assortment of imperfect traits, and they too create mistakes and hurt our feelings. But it's up to us if we can liberate our egos from wanting everything to be always right or according to some particular way. Reaching that level, even with a good friend, must be an incredible challenge.
I surely learned from many experiences. Having a best friend is supposed to be like having a boyfriend minus the sex and jealousy. They give you joy, comfort, and support when you need it most. You are both important and need to compromise each other's egos. Principally, if you can't deal with your own first, you'll probably end up being a frenemy to yourself without having any genuine friends. Consider this a warning.
- Diaz
