Letters: Women's destiny

Thu, 11/05/2009 11:53 AM  |  Readers Forum

I refer to an article titled "Biology and woman's destiny" (the Post, Nov. 1). Biology and destiny is the old quest between proximate and ultimate answers. I share the authors' concerns on how women eventually reconcile this issue at least one in her life time. However, it is odd that the author raised an example of Ulfa, the 12-year old married to the old cleric.

She justifies this further "While the term destiny is philosophical and psychological, it relates to the freedom to make important life decision, including the decision to get married at the age of 12 or 33".

The immediate concern is not about the importance of getting married, but giving our children the chance to grow, to learn, to work and to prepare for full adulthood. This concern is not only coming from the heads of "thirty-something feminist and women with bachelor degrees" as the author put it, but also shared by every sensible parent, male or female.

I would propose that in discussing this issue women should not leave it alone within ourselves. The most important biological feature of women should be perceived as the most important biological feature for men also.

And men are bound to nurture the children within the commitment. Even I would go further to the extended family. In the history of mankind across cultures, grandmothers/grandfathers play important roles in child-rearing. And so do other relatives or neighbors. Women do not raise children alone or only rely on husbands. It takes a village, as the book said.

However, the dynamics of ultra modern life in the city have changed this kind of structure, but this is another discussion. I just have to mention this to remind us, as women, that we are not alone in childbearing and nurturing, and we should not make it so hard on ourselves.

We should remember while discussing "biology and destiny" there is a proximate and ultimate horizon, as if we were biologically given, while we have to shape the ultimate destiny. The sufis say, our biological being is our prison, while our psychological make up and concept yearn to be free.

Putting it another way, we put meaning to our biological being. In doing this we should manage in such a way, that biological men and women do fall into different, yet complimentary roles, in this case for childbearing and nurturing. The pair-bonding between men and women is one of the greatest human inventions. I speak as a single parent, by the way.

Nazmiyah Sayuti
Depok, West Java

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