I watched a TV dating reality show last weekend. In the show, a single girl chooses one of many single guys there by asking them questions. If she likes one guy's answer, she'll choose him as her date.
One girl's question was really surprising. Not the content, but the way she bravely asked about it in public. The question was "When we are married, and I am not working anymore to provide for my family, will you share a bit of your income with them?".
That's pretty shocking, isn't it? Usually, a girl will ask about that after she's certain about the relationship, or after a long-term romance, or she wouldn't dare to ask at all.
Now, the answers were as surprising as the question! All the guys said "No"; they wouldn't share their income with their wives' family. For me, and I'm sure for most people in Indonesia, too, this is really embarrassing, how guys like them, with good education, good jobs, good looks, and who have passed a TV show casting process, could say that.
Girls, I think you should ask your potential mates this question before you get married. For those of you from a wealthy family, this may not a big problem because your parents and siblings will be able to take care of themselves. Perhaps you are the one who can help the husband's family when they are in need.
But for a girl who has to work to provide for her family, getting married will probably be a difficult decision. Once you get married and have children, you will have to dedicate most of your time and attention to your husband and the kids.
You won't be able to work again for a while, and who will provide for your parents and/or siblings in the meantime? A good man will of course share some of his income to help his wife's family as long as they need it. That's the husband's obligation.
No, such girls are not matre (materialistic), in Indonesian slang. They simply need someone to make sure their family will be taken good care of after they have left to live with their husband.
And guys, please think carefully about this matter. It's crucial. All girls, wealthy or not, would be pleased if you offered to help their family after you get married, even only a little amount of it. It means you care for her and her family, and that's the most important thing for a girl.
I really encourage girls not to be shy in asking their husband/future husband this question, and I encourage guys to reply in the affirmative. It is one little step for couples but a big leap.
B. Yenny V.
Bogor, West Java
