First there was the shock and disbelief. We heard the news of Gus Dur's passing away from two telephone calls my friends received as we were heading home from a routine work day.
We immediately swung the car around in the direction of the Cipto Mangunkusumo Hospital in the absence of immediate information as to where his whereabouts. So often had we rushed to his hospital bed in recent years and so often had we been greeted by Gus Dur's infallible wit, that I was hoping against hope the bad news was a mistake.
Unfortunately the news was true, and as I stepped down from the car we were besieged by reporters and lights of television and photographers. For the first time in memory I was uncomfortable with the media attention. Several black-dressed presidential security officers came out from nowhere and escorted us through endless hallways.
We were rushed into a small hospital room, struck by a scene that will be forever etched in my memory. Gus Dur in a shapeless mass under deep cover, his family devastated by the family tragedy. Four of the staunchest women I know totally helpless with the loss of the man who issues and accepts love so easily and elegantly.
Then as realization crept in, we had to find within us acceptance of the inevitable. But Gus Dur had often said that length of life is irrelevant compared to the continuity of mission. He moves on, but not without leaving us with a strong legacy.
He had less than two years in the office of the presidency when he was ousted by a political cabal. Had he been more realistic in his politics, he could easily have survived a full term or more. But I witnessed how uncompromising he was.
I personally listened to overtures from Golkar who had what they called a "win-win" solution whereby Gus Dur would maintain the presidency but share power with political parties.
But Gus Dur was convinced that compromise would make all his efforts pointless. His quest for pluralism, democracy and clean government urgently called for consistency.
He chose to respect the people's call for clarity above expediency.
President Abdurrahman Wahid had an unsuccessful presidency. But he has successfully established national values of tolerance and equality that today define democracy in Indonesia. His values have lived on.
The things we are praised now for being, the pluralism that has become a showcase item, attracts laudatory comments from all over the world.
The notion that Chinese descendants and other minorities are equal, their holidays celebrated, original names no longer required to be substituted by those acceptable to the majority, the religious tolerance that brings us fantastic Christmas carols in the malls of a predominantly Muslim country are all fruits grown from seedlings Gus Dur planted in his presidency of 1999-2001.
It became clear as president Wahid faced a recalcitrant parliament and big political money that Gus Dur faced a sharp choice in mid-2001.
Work on a political coalition to sustain his presidency, or stay on track and keep the reformist agenda. The rest is history.
In the face of forbidding political odds the president replaced Marzuki Darusman with Baharuddin Lopa as Attorney General. Darusman is a well-regarded man, but the Cabinet needed to speed up the arrest of major corrupt people.
Baharuddin Lopa was chosen, a man as fearless as was clean. The nation was shocked when Lopa died in a trip overseas less than a month in the top. He was replaced by Marsillam Simandjuntak, favored since the beginning as a tough reformer. He served an equally short time, as Gus Dur's political defenses crumbled when it was clear he would not cave in to demands for compromise.
The presidential term was just a planting season. The seeds had been cultivated long before that, when he exercised his values on a complex society using leadership positions less prominent than the presidency.
Lest we degrade ourselves into a personality cult, let it be emphasized that the values Gus Dur stands for are embedded in our society.
They are alive but dormant because of first of all suppression by previous regimes; and as that regime imploded, uncertainty among the good people still kept us from coming out with our true values - pluralism, democracy, tolerance - the way of life of the majority in our society. Such values had been forced into inactive mode because of the compelling force of political pressure. But it took Gus Dur to bring those values out of deep freeze.
As people tend to focus on the political turbulence of his presidency, many miss the real story, which I call the story of Indonesia's awakening.
The results speak for themselves. Gus Dur stayed true to the moniker "People's Presidency". He gave up the presidency for the ideals. He gave a life to his nation.
Wimar Witoelar is the author of No Regrets, a personal account of his days as spokesman for president Abdurrahman Wahid.
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