Welcome to 2010. Fresh spirit, fresh attitude, and fresh style is in the air. Before we sashay away to the new decade, let's first look back again to 2009 to review our fashion faux pas, and promise we'll never repeat the same mistakes.
I invited some of Jakarta's fiercest fashion judges for a style conference to authorize this new Top 10 Fashion Don'ts Law. Thanks to my stylish fellas, a sexy and noted fashion victim Miss Diva Baresitall, a legendary has-been beauty queen and plus-size model Madame Dolce Munchalot, a prominent fashion entrepreneur and social butterfly, Lady Socialista de la Renta, and last but not least a major stylist and fashion journalist extraordinaire Mr. Tracy Guttermouth for this long and sassy deliberation.
Here comes the yesteryear's list of Top 10 Fashion Faux Pas; boys and gals don't do these at home, anywhere or anymore, these are hazardous!
1. Trousers under a skirt
Make up your mind! Which one you want to wear? When you became confused deciding whether you want to wear a skirt or pants for the day, that doesn't mean you can get away by wearing the two combined. Leggings are fine, but trousers or jeans under a skirt? Besides creating unnecessary bulge, this mishmash is rather mismatched, frumpy and too much laundry.
2. Jilbab (Muslim head scarf) vs. tight outfit
Ladies, be consequent when you decide to cover your hair from sight. Contrasting your religious attire with a tight fitting outfit attracts attention. You're creating a show of cirque du so-lame with your jaw-gagging style combination. And putting a jilbab on your infant who has no hair (or ever, if they keep wearing them) is just the most religiculous thing!
3. Rebonding hairstyle
Apart from its high toxicity, rebonding hair is also poisonous for the eyes, it's frizzy in a dizzying way and suitable only for those insecure office bitches. Time to stand for authenticity; flaunt your wavy beauty or moderate curls despite your blow dryer going crazy.
4. Overdressed, over-scented, and over-polished metrosexual
Earning the most fashion-conscious male creature rank on earth doesn't mean you can clash your pastel color working shirt with that playful Disney character necktie, or anesthetize your gym buddies with your super-power stinging body cologne, and dazzle your co-workers with your over-polished pointy shoes and gleaming spiky hair!
5. High use of autistic gadgets during a social event
Minimize the technology invasion attacking your social behavior. Yes, I am talking about your restless fingers that relentlessly tap on your mobile waiting for an SMS or chat on your BlackBerry. Bite your nails for now to overcome your cold turkey.
6. Flaunting it because you have it
Big boobs or a big derriere can be something to be proud of, but if your way of dressing always emphasizes them, you will look sleazy, not sexy. Also, for guys who wear fitted shirts, kindly shape that belly first by doing some sit ups, or tighten your abs muscles constantly in public - it helps to flatten your stomach at the same time.
7. Bronze-aged mommy
Ladies above 40, we understand your desire to fight gravity. When the face ages, you did your best to bouffant your hair to balance those descending facial muscles, but often you overdid it and your hairstylist lost control with their hairspray and coloring procedure, making you look deranged and off the planet. Opt for a chignon (back knot) instead, which is more sophisticated, ladylike and embraces the style for your age.
8. Overdone Botox and facelifts
Botox makes your face look like an eerie porcelain doll, and repeated plastic surgery and facelifts gone wrong make your face look like the Saw Puppet. Choose "friendlier" ways to battle your vanity: Aptos and Filler may be better and less harmful choices for you.
9. Going bananas in thronged shopping malls
Lessen the city pollution of queuing and flooding the malls or overpopulated car parks by seeking nature instead. A weekend getaway to the beach, island, mountain or other cities is way more refreshing for the mind and body, also for Jakarta's sanity.
10. Gossiping and venting via Facebook and Twitter
When you build interest in gossiping, please check yourself for insecurities. No need to vent your anger or complain to someone by hinting on your status updates either. Be brave to state your opinion to the subject of your matter. And rather than freaking out and screaming like a banshee or a mad drag queen, channel your points in style; sarcasm is a more fun and intellectual way to express them.
Now, let's begin this year with a clean style slate, shall we? When you're wearing a dress, you have the right to remain fabulous.
- Diaz
