Once upon a time, on a lazy afternoon by the river, the members of animal kingdom gathered for their monthly meeting. As usual, they had no particular agenda other than to share their stories, mostly about encounters or interactions with humans, the eminent ruling species of the planet.
“You know, I didn’t mind so much when they took me to the streets as a prop in their protest against President Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono,” the water buffalo says. “I didn’t even mind when they put a picture of his face over mine, and stuck a huge poster on my backside that read ‘resign’.”
“Still, that’s not very nice,” says the lion, wise king of the jungle. “So what is your problem?”
“It didn’t hit me until SBY himself objected,” the buffalo says. “He thought the protesters were portraying him as fat, stupid and lazy, ‘like a buffalo’, he said. That’s stereotyping and I hate that.”
The lion just sighed. “These are humans we’re talking about. What did you expect?”
The other animals nodded.
“You are not lazy or stupid,” the rhino says to reassure the buffalo.
“Thanks. I work hard for a living. I help humans plow the paddy fields, I haul carts from time to time.
How can he call me lazy and stupid?” says the buffalo, indignant. “I should feel more offended than he does.”
“Typical: picking out our faults. They think they are perfect,” says the lion.
“Humans,” all the other animals groan in chorus.
“Besides,” the elephant chimes in, “big or fat is relative.”
“I agree. What about me? They painted me as big and evil.” It’s the crocodile, which has been pretending to be asleep all this time, speaking up. The other animals quickly sidle away to keep a safe distance from him.
“What did they do to you?” asks the lion.
“This big-shot cop fighting some anticorruption officials claimed they were no match for him and portrayed the conflict as a contest as between a croc and a gecko,” says the croc.
“Someone mentioned my name?” says the gecko, which hadn’t been paying much attention until now.
“I didn’t mind being portrayed as superior,” the croc drawls with a big smile. “But I would never pick a fight with a gecko.”
“A fight? What fight?” The gecko seems slightly worried, but relaxes after dashing into the leaves in the tree. “You can’t catch me anyway.”
“My point precisely,” the croc says lazily. “I’d pick on someone more my size. I can take on any big animal any day.” The croc eyes the elephant, then the rhino, before his gaze comes to rest on the buffalo.
“They haven’t got a clue about the animal world,” says the lion. “Talk about stupid.”
“Humans,” the chorus comes back.
“Tell me about it,” says the sheep, which happens to be black. “Stupid and racist.”
“I resent being portrayed as greedy,” says the octopus, emerging from under the water, its tentacles flicking at the surface.
“Yes, I remember reading this book about the money SBY collected for his reelection campaign last year,” the elephant says. “The writer uses the octopus as a metaphor to illustrate the many reaches and the extent of his fundraising campaign network.”
“Yes, and in a negative way,” the octopus explains. “Making out I am this big, ugly, slimy creature with many tentacles and suckers to feed my greed.”
“Ha!” says the lion. “They have some nerve to call you greedy.”
“Humans,” groans the chorus.
“We take what we need, that has always been the rule in our kingdom, right guys?” the lion says.
“Aye, aye,” the others call in a cry of approval – all except one.
“Oink, oink,” comes a lone voice as the pig slowly retires from the scene.
— Eric Musa Piliang
