A man was gambling with friends and lost all his money. The gambler placed one last bet: his wife. He lost again and the winner demanded the woman. This is a recent news story from India, sent to me by reader S. Wijaya.
Why is this astonishing? Because the newspaper printed it as just another news item. Yet the world's booklovers (both of us) will recognize the plot of one of the most famous stories in Asian literature: The Mahabharata, the world's longest poem.
That evening at the bar, I mused how curious it was that a tale can be a small, sordid crime story in one context and a world-shaking incident in another.
A guy sitting nearby said this was true of many ancient events. If you look in ancient Roman records, you find a one-paragraph report by an early journo named Josephus about a teacher who was executed but whose teachings were being spread by "a tribe called the Christians". Josephus missed the scoop of a lifetime by failing to follow up the incident, which came to form the heart of the Bible, the world's bestselling book.
Can you imagine what Josephus's editor said to him later? "So, mate, you reckoned this was just a ONE PARAGRAPH story?"
The problem is that news reporters are set in their ways. Here are five other ancient classics, presented in their original journalistic form.
1. Breaking news! Or break-up news? Another celebrity divorce could be on the way. Witnesses claim to have seen Adam and Eve arguing in Eden Gardens. Eve was overheard referring to "that snake", a phrase which has celebrity-watchers speculating furiously.
2. A young woman won a royal husband in an extraordinary contest yesterday. Eligible bachelor Prince Charming said he'd marry any woman who could wear size 24 Manolo Blahnik high heels. The winner was later accused by family members of using plastic surgery to alter the size of her feet. "Last week they were massive, like clown feet," her sister alleged.
3. An old man named Confucius is making a name for himself for standing in a park spouting aphorisms to a group of young men sitting at his feet.
Neighbors complained that he should get a proper job. "It's unhealthy for an adult man to hang out with boys," said one. Confucius's agent reported that he is working on a book called The Analects. Critics said: "It sounds disgusting."
4. Flash floods caused a severe rainstorm destroying the whole of Planet Earth yesterday. However, reports are coming in of a miracle rescue by a boat captain named Noah Sullenberger. "Don't call me a hero," he said. "It took billions of years to develop life on earth and I just thought it would be kind of neat if it continued."
5. A fugitive named Cain Adamson is on the run after killing his brother Abel. Social workers blamed the parents.
The boys' mother Eve said: "It wasn't my fault. I was in the garden picking apples. Ask his dad."
Even if you really want to be immortalized, remember never to gamble your wife away. You may win her back next time, and she will NOT be in a good mood.
The writer is a columnist and journalist.
