“Why are you wearing those shorts? You look like a bloated elephant,” a friend told Debby Singal, considered a “big” woman for her height (1.5 meters) and weight (104 kilograms).
Debby was hurt by the insult. It might have been a harmless joke between friends, but she thought it was too much.
At 34, Debby has been trying to put up with the verbal abuse for years, hurled at her not only by strangers but also friends and family who make fun of her physical appearance.
“How can you find a job with that body?”
“You eat a lot, no wonder you are so fat!”
These are just a couple of examples of the abuse she gets on a regular basis.
“Maybe people think that it’s just a joke, but it’s not funny at all. It hurts,” Debbi told The Jakarta Post.
Smile is all around in the community. Photo courtesy of Xtra-L Community Indonesia
There were times when she finally broke down and lost her confidence because of the insults. She even went as far as wearing men’s shirts and pants to hide her weight.
But then, things changed for the better after she got an invitation from a group called Xtra-L Community Indonesia, to join a gathering specifically designed for people whose bodyweight is considered above average.
And her life changed forever.
“I was totally surprised when I met one member of the group named Ririe. She’s fat but she looked attractive and stunning. From that moment, I said to myself I wanted to look as stunning as she does,” Debby said.
Her wish to look good despite of her full-figured physique led Debby to gain more information from the group. She learned many things, ranging from mixing and matching outfits and putting on makeup, to leading a healthier lifestyle.
After a while, Debby decided to transform herself. She wanted to be the new Debby, who had enough confidence to wear mini skirts.
“Of course I want to look like a catwalk model — skinny — but sometimes it’s not as easy as people may think. So the solution is how we, full-figured people, can look good and attractive,” Debby said.
In the past three years since it was established, the Xtra-L community, founded by Ririe Bogar, 35, has served as saving grace for a number of overweight people.
Ririe started the group in quite a glamorous way. After joining in “Miss Impian”, a reality television show designed for big women, which airs on Indosiar, Ririe, who is 1.7 meters tall, and 114 kilograms, decided to open a boutique catering for people who needed extra-large clothing.
As it turned out, her customers did not come to her boutique to buy clothes, but to share stories about themselves.
“I found out that not everyone could live their lives as fat people. My friend and I then thought we needed to make a group for extra large people,” Ririe says.
The group had its first ever meeting on Feb. 14, 2007 after which invitations were sent by text message.
“We chose this date deliberately. We wanted to start on Valentine’s Day because we wanted to share love with friends. We also want to show our love for our physique. We don’t need to feel bad about the size of our bodies,” she said.
Just like many groups who share interests, the community’s next step was to join the Facebook social networking site. Members have already set up a mailing list and a Facebook account, which was soon flooded with requests for friendship from people across Indonesia. Today, Xtra-L boasts a membership of 3,000.
Early on, this group set up a strict code. Initially, the group’s membership status was restricted to people weighing more than 70 kilograms. However, this regulation was dropped so that now anybody can join.
“We have discovered that not all slim person have no problems with self esteem. So, we decided to expand the membership to include everyone. The most important issue is that all members respect each other and do not judge people based on size,” Ririe said.
Franklyn Gasperz is one of the group’s members who is not overweight.
“I like joining this group. It’s fun and unique, and it has a lot of interesting activities. Through the community, I have learned more about respecting people,” the 31-year-old said.
In the group, he is known as one who loves full-figured women, and he makes no attempt to conceal his interest to big women.
“I don’t know why I like them. For me, fat women have a strong physical attraction.
“I started to be attracted to big women ever since I was in junior high school. I think they are beautiful,” said Franklin, a boyfriend of Debby’s. Ririe is candid about the fact that they group could also serve as a conduit for members to meet their match.
So what kind of activities do members do when they hang out together?
The most regular activity is sharing fashion and beauty tips as well as performing regular physical exercises. Occasionally, the group holds health seminars and fashion shows.
“As of today, we even have a swimming club. In the near future, I expect to form a dance club to meet the demands of members who like dancing,” said Ririe.
And since getting slim is not at the top of the group members’ agenda, it also regularly makes time to eat out. But what if you put on weight?
“We are human. We need to eat too,” Ririe said.
The trick is that group members only go for healthy food.
“We always pick healthy foods with lots of vegetables. Recently we had a meeting in Bogor where we chose sayur asem (vegetable soup), lalap (raw vegetables) and chicken-based dishes instead of red meats,” Ririe said
The biggest challenge for the group remains how to fight the stereotype that has been attached to full-figured women: that they have unhealthy lifestyles, whereas slim people are healthier and fitter.
Ririe countered this by promoting the creed that it is a matter of lifestyle, not whether you are overweight.
But this is apparently easier said than done. Ririe said she had frequently cried when she was an overweight teenager. She ran into her bedroom and broke down in tears every time members of her family called her fatty. She blamed God for putting her in that situation.
“I kept on questioning why all my friends had boyfriends and I didn’t. Was it because I was fat? I hated myself,” she said.
Later she attempted to lose weight by following a weight-loss program, but she went about it the wrong way.
“I drank 10 cups of slimming tea a day.
I did not eat rice until I got gastric pains and typhoid fever. I did it all because I could no longer stomach what people said about me.”
Living and studying in the United States changed her perspective. She saw how a number of people were considered overweight or obese could make an achievement. On her return to Indonesia, she had changed the way she dressed. It also helped that she read a lot of motivational books.
“I’m fat, so what? Now, I don’t focus on how to be slim, but more on how to stay healthy. And you don’t have to hate yourself.”
— Photo courtesy of Xtra-L Community Indonesia
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