Griping to No One in Particular

I’m a positive guy. I really am.

When others in my vehicle are whining about being stuck in impossible traffic, I’ll say “It’s a great time to learn a new karaoke song.” And start singing.

When my office ceiling leaked after a recent downpour, I looked forward to heading to the hardware store to see if I could find the sealant needed. I did, I’m dry, and I’m happy.

And when restaurant service is maddeningly slow or just bad, no stress. Just no tip.

But there are certain things that grind on me like teeth scraping on a spoon. So forgive me if I vent, but here is a short list of the things I hate:

1)Looking at your restaurant bill and finding that you were charged for the little dish of peanuts or pickles that you thought were free.

2)Getting trapped in a moving taxi with a hungry mosquito.

3)Nightclubs that have the live or recorded music so loud that conversations are impossible without screaming. Unless it’s a Santana concert, lower the volume and customers will return.

4)That we can’t get a Santana concert here.

5)Hotels that don’t supply face towels in their guest bathrooms.

6)Not remembering where you parked your car at the mall, causing you to sweat like a construction worker while you hunt it down and your ice cream to melt.

7)Not getting a newspaper on holidays. Or Sundays.

8)Cold soup. Even when it’s intentional.

9)People who cut you off with “I’ve got to call you back, I’ve got another call coming in.” Don’t bother.

10)Forgetting to ask about a credit card discount promotion until after  you’ve paid the bill. With another card or cash.

11)That even if the motorbike driver crashes into you, you end up paying  for his medical expenses.

12)Seeing a father and mother walking far ahead of their children who are holding hands with the maid. Come on parents, make full use of precious family time.

13)That I haven’t been to Australia yet.

14)Someone bragging about their par after taking a mulligan off the tee.

15)Being served a carbonated drink that’s lost its carbonation. The fizz is  what makes it more than colored sugar water. Ah, waiter, tolong tukar dengan yang baru.

16)Not speaking Indonesian as well as I should.

17)When after more than five decades of life and thousands of television appearances around the world, someone comes up and mispronounces my name. It’s “DAHL-ton”.

18)Seeing younger and younger children begging for money at stoplights.

19)When a waiter interrupts you in the middle of a serious or emotional dinner conversation. Well-trained ones wait unobtrusively for a break in the dialogue.

20)Women with dresses too short. I think.

21)Women with dresses too long.  For sure.

22)Not saying “I love you” more than I have in my life.

23)Any band that plays “Dancing Queen”.

24)Having to leave Bali before I’m fully decompressed and had my fill of babi guling (roast suckling pig) or pork in any form.

25)The news media’s practice of covering every single demonstration and protest at the Hotel Indonesia circle, even if it’s just two people with a sign.

26)Having to remind someone to repay the money they borrowed. “Conscientious” is the key word here.

27)Spending more time on Facebook than I should.

28)Ice cream that’s soft when you get it. If I want Dairy Queen, I’ll go to  Dairy Queen.

29)If someone has a birthday and no one sings the “Happy Birthday” song.

30)Houseguests with socks you can smell from 5 meters away.

31)When someone puts in 10 songs in a row at karaoke and you’re forced to sit through a mini concert. No matter how good they are.

32)Getting sent or forwarded emails that are racist or pornographic. Especially from people you had thought were cool.

33)Those who get irritated at a crying baby. Hey, remember, it’s the first sound of life. And music to my paternal ears.

34)Rarely finding my size at a department store sale. But I guess that’s why they’re having a sale, to get ride of XXXXXL shirts and XS dresses.

35)That this list is this long.


Hawaii native Dalton Tanonaka is the co-anchor of Metro TV’s Indonesia Now program, broadcast Saturday mornings at 9 a.m. and Sundays at 1 a.m. [Should that be p.m.?] He can be reached at dalton@metrotvnews.com.

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