The simple wedding

A not-so-big fat Indonesian wedding

Traditional Indonesian weddings are famous as lavish affairs. Some couples are bucking tradition and finding that less is more.

By Agustina Wayansari

The Bakrie family has recently cornered the market for spectacular Indonesian weddings. In 2008, Adinda Bakrie’s ornate nuptials crossed over from the society and wedding pages to mainstream media.

This year, the no-expense-spared marriage of Ardhie Bakrie, one of the sons of politician and businessman Aburizal Bakrie, and starlet Nia Ramadhani was held over three days at a five-star hotel. Thousands of people, from politicians to socialites and celebrities, stood in long lines to congratulate the young couple and their parents.

While not everybody has a fabulously rich papa who can fork out the rumored Rp 100 billion (more than US$1 million) for the wedding, Indonesians from all walks of life love the pomp and circumstance of getting married. It’s not so much a private uniting of the couple as the bringing together of two families, who are expected by society to adhere to custom and show the betrothed to the world with fitting ceremony. This means inviting relatives, friends, colleagues and acquaintances, who are feted with a grand spread and entertainment.

One woman remembers that only about 10 percent of the guests at her wedding were her and her husband’s friends; the rest were their parents’ invitees. She did not mind because her parents were footing the bill. Still, except for the glamorous decorations and beautiful dress that she loved, she admits considering having a second wedding just to have a nice, intimate party with the people she cares for.
       
There is a trend among urban couples for smaller, more intimate gatherings, with a more selective guest list, says Sinto Lestari from Wedd Inc. That means small by Indonesian standards, with the guest list ranging from 100 to 350 guests.

“They don’t have an issue with money, they just prefer something exclusive for their nuptials and with a very special audience,” she says.

She notes that these couples are more practical about spending their money, wishing
to spend it on newlywed purchases such as a car or house, or even overseas travel, than on a big bash of a wedding.

Circle of Friends

One such couple is Faye Scarlet and her Swedish husband Dennis Alund, who married in April. They wanted to celebrate the special moment in their lives with people they care about, and who care about them.


They held a reception for 150 close friends and relatives, including a dozen from Sweden.  

“I didn’t think it was fair for my husband to shake hands with too many people he had never even met,” says Faye, who met her husband during a work-related trip to Zimbabwe.

“It was our wedding and I wanted Faye to spend more time with my family and friends who had come all the way from Sweden to meet her,” Dennis says. “I didn’t want her to be too busy with other guests [who we were not very close to].”

They held the reception at dusk at a minimalist venue in Kemang, South Jakarta. The open space provided a pleasant ambience to watch the sunset and there was a good indoor area in the event of rain. Simple acoustic music played during the evening as the couple greeted guests.

“It might not have been as perfect a sunset as at some beach in Bali, but it was still nice,” says Faye.

Sinto says that many couples seek a unique location for their reception. Among the favorite venues in Jakarta are Rumah Morocco, Rumah Kartanegara, the garden at the Dharmawangsa Hotel and the Ritz-Carlton’s rooftop.

 “They’re usually very meticulous about the details and want everything to be perfect, including exclusive mementos for guests and decorations that look classy.”

For them, quality, not quantity, counts.

Small Mercies

Dewi Andriani’s dream was for a unique and exclusive setting when she tied the knot with Marlon Gunawan in December last year. When she visited Bunga Rampai restaurant in Central Jakarta at her sister-in-law’s recommendation, it was love at first sight.

“It has a unique ambience and a homey feel. And it worked with the colonial theme that I wanted as my wedding theme,” she says.

“I stuck with my option of Bunga Rampai although it meant me working hard to slash the huge number of invitations we had planned to send out.”

They whittled them down to 150 invitations, with an expectation of 300 guests. If it had been held in a hotel ballroom, at least 1,500 people would have been expected to attend.

“My mother-in-law liked the venue and the whole wedding concept, so she was fine with us having to reduce the number of invitations,” she said.

Having the marriage ceremony in a Catholic church was more important for Faye’s mom, who is a devout Catholic and a member of the church committee, than the big wedding bash. It also allowed her parents to invite more guests to the church ceremony.

There was another factor working in their favor in keeping the reception simple. They are from Chinese-Indonesian business families and, Dewi says, it’s the done thing for parents to have a grand wedding feting family and business partners. But Marlon’s younger brother was scheduled to marry less than a year after them.

“They will have their wedding in the Ritz-Carlton Hotel ballroom so our parents will be able to invite more people, especially their clients and business partners,” Marlon says.

Nepalese Bhava Pudyal jokes that marrying a foreigner allows Indonesians to circumvent the requirement for the big traditional wedding. He and his Indonesian wife kept their nuptials as simple as possible.

“We went to a Vihara and then a few nights later, we invited about 30 of our closest friends to a dinner celebration in a restaurant,” he recalls with a smile.

The Parent Factor

For Inge Bachrens and Daniel Tumiwa, it is having moderate and open-minded parents that matters. They got married in 2004 before a small gathering in a mosque. Two weeks later, they invited their closest friends and family members to a private dinner to celebrate their love.

With both employed and earning good salaries, it was not a case of operating on a tight budget. Instead, they wanted to make the celebration as meaningful as possible by marking it with the people who were most important to them.

“We were both in our 30s and believed we knew what we were doing,” Inge says.

“Our parents were both very open-minded and they just let us to do what we wanted to do. It’s our life and our money. It was up to us how we wanted to have the wedding.”

Faye’s mother, Cynthia Kenyatta, says education and an urban upbringing have made them value the simpler, more practical things in life.

“We are third-generation Chinese-Indonesians from Jakarta. Jakarta is an urban area and we have been influenced by many different local cultures as well as the Western,” she says.

“Some people see a big wedding as a symbol of their socioeconomic status, but I like to see things from a different perspective. For me, what is important about a wedding is the sacred commitment.”

Inge and Daniel didn’t find it hard to short-list the guest names.

“We only had 25 people for that very special dinner, basically we invited only core family members and the close friends that Daniel and I had,” she explained, sipping her coffee.

“Everyone knew each other as they were from the circle of friends of both of us,” she says.

But what about those who only heard about the marriage after the occasion, and felt snubbed by not receiving an invitation?

“Let’s put it this way, I didn’t invite them because, apart from not wanting to spend too much for the wedding, I didn’t want to trouble them,” Faye says. “It’s not cheap to come to a wedding, considering the cost of taxis and the gift. It is only worth it when we know the people well, right?”

Dewi and Marlon point out that their wedding was different in another important way from the usual crowded receptions.

“We were happy and satisfied that it proceeded according to plan, and my wedding party was just as I expected it to be,” Dewi says.

“I noticed that many friends loved it, we spent a nice time together and everyone felt relaxed and at home. Most stayed until it finished. They didn’t just come, shake hands, take a photo and then leave, like at the usual weddings.”

Back to The top page