Letter: Conflicts as a path of growth

Several weeks before the Christmas celebration, my church had a family for testimonial of a man being cured of cancer. Surprisingly, the audience laughed at him as he spoke in Kromo Inggil, the politest form in Javanese language.

The laughter burst out because Kromo Inggil was not commonly used in sermons in the church.

For the members who laughed, they perceived the man’s speech in informal language as his incapability to be literate, yet it caused an inner-conflict in me. It offended my conscience as a human being who demands equality.

Such phenomenon may sound hilarious in a glimpse. However, the failure in listening has become fertile soil for conflicts in this country. Taylor (2004) in her book Your Conflict, Your Resolution points out that the general causes of interpersonal conflicts derive from differences in points of view, lack of communication skills and differences in values and styles.

Indonesia is constituted from various societies which, ironically, are intertwined in frail tolerance due to its own diversity.

Many clashes depart from those three ideas Taylor (2004) proposes, from land conflicts until protests against legislative members’ plans in irrationally using national income.

Being a good listener depends on the way we perceive an issue, settle the solutions and work reconciliation. However, we do not always perceive conflicts in societies objectively. Our subjectivity becomes the most solid barrier, whether or not we realize it.

To become a well-mannered society in addressing conflicts, Indonesia must learn from more civilized countries. The most immediate issue which emerges is building critical awareness. Although recently the Indonesian public has became sharper in analyzing political issues, the level must be heightened in order to shape a better and more objective perception of certain issues.

The fact that individual rights constitute the necessity of harmony is worth noticing. Former president Soeharto’s desire for long lasting harmony through such violations overthrew him from his 32 year incumbency.

Another important step is to comprise fair perspectives based on logical thinking. Dealing with psychological barriers, oftentimes this phase is not as easy as it is said. A person’s point of view in anger may be entirely opposed to logical thinking simply due to the emotional factors.

Some of the members of the recent Cabinet proved this idea by saying illogical things, such as a boycott for national media and a social network site.

Hence, the best way to shape a sensible point of view can only be done in a stable psychological condition.

Departing from the idea above, the last step is to make an honest judgment. The proverb “Truth hurts” proves its legitimacy, as oftentimes facts are against us and it is humane to make denials.

However, as it is said previously that false harmony can lead to disintegration, the necessary options require us to step outside of our comfort zones. Honesty is the purest virtue. Sometimes to reach purity, there are many processes required, all of which are potential for conflict.

It is human nature to desire to be heard. However, have we considered others’ desires to be noticed as well? The answer will lead us to a deeper understanding of conflicts and their importance, while at the same time showing our areas of growth.

Wahyu Kartika Herlambang
Jakarta