A

couple of days ago, as I enjoyed dinner with all the staff from my office, including my Japanese boss, he asked me “How long does it take to get from your home to the office, especially in the morning?”

I knew the reason behind this question — my terrible record with punctuality — so I decided to give him a false answer and, at the same time, beg for his empathy. I said, “Around 45 minutes to 1 hour, and I use a motorbike.” (In reality, I need only 20-30 minutes).

He replied, “What?” (I instantly felt very happy because I thought, “Yes! He feels my pain!”) … But then he continued: “Very fast indeed!” (Then I felt sick. I just hoped all the food in my stomach would remain where it was).

I don’t recall the exact expression on my face; all I know is that the words coming out of his mouth made me feel worse. He kept on saying, “Every morning, I have to leave my apartment at 6 a.m. and spend almost two hours to reach the office. My wife and kids are still sleeping, so I say goodbye to my cute dog. At night, I usually have dinner with customers, and then go to karaoke, so I arrive home at 2 or 3 a.m., by which time everyone is already sleeping, so I can only said hello to my cute dog. On Saturday and Sunday, I play golf.”

I started out wanting his empathy; now it was the other way around. I told myself not to repeat the same mistake and will never again beg for anyone to feel sorry for me. If I want something, such as a salary raise, I must proudly show my achievements at work and then I can fight for what I deserve.

This is also something that I will teach my son. The culture of tepa selira (empathy) is a good thing as long as you complete it with the correct implementations. In my own case, I implemented it wrongly and used it to persuade my boss, which obviously did not work.

So, maybe we all should stop feeling sorry for ourselves and do something more valuable instead.

Febriani (http://imo.thejakartapost.com/jabbergibber)
Jakarta