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nternet users in China are furious after it was revealed that their government has a Twitter account. Citizens are strictly banned from using the web service, in case they stumble upon highly classified top secrets, such as “Contrary to what we keep telling you, living in a free democratic society is not hell on earth”.

The revelation in the Yunnan Info Daily didn’t surprise me. Rules are always two-tier in China. A friend of mine was sitting in front of a no- smoking sign in a taxi in that country when the driver lit up a cigarette. Being a smoker himself, my friend got out a pack of Dunhills. The driver turned his head, removed his cigarette, pointed to the sign and barked: “Hey! NO SMOKING.”

Anyway, I logged on to the Chinese government’s Twitter feed, but the posts were unreadably dull. My favorite recent official announcement was one earlier this month responding to shocking rumors saying that a police chief in North East China was a deeply corrupt, money-grubbing conman who was sleeping with twin sisters to whom he had given jobs.

The announcement said that this outrageous, wild allegation was not true. The girls were not twin sisters, they were just sisters.

So, that’s all right then.

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Archeologists in North Korea last week claimed to have found the home of the unicorn mentioned in the country’s oldest legend. They identified the unicorn’s lair by cunningly noticing that an area near a temple contains a rectangular rock bearing the words “Unicorn’s Lair”.

If I ever get into North Korea, I’m going to scratch the words “Hidden Kingdom of the Tooth Fairy” on a rock and leave it lying around.

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Beer is good for adults and children, a new Japanese study says. It contains a biochemical called humulone, which helps fight the common cold, researcher Jun Fuchimoto told the AFP news agency. Lower down in the text is the info that you have to drink 30 large cans to feel the benefit. The research project was paid for by Sapporo, a huge beer company. Not that that’s relevant.

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A woman seen shoplifting at a WalMart store in Houston was shot to death by a Loss Prevention Officer, CBS reported this week. That’s a pretty serious punishment for swiping something from a cheap store. What do they do if you fail to return the shopping trolley? Wipe out seven generations of your family?

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Scientists say they have found evidence that cheese was being made at the dawn of history, 7,500 years ago. Clearly they go to the same supermarket as I do, where everything is that much past its expiry date.

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The successful launch of North Korea’s long-range rocket last week was so totally unexpected that Japan’s ambassador to the region dropped his bowl of noodles and gasped: “Oh my God, I don’t believe it.” No, wait, I think that was North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.

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A friend of a reader who was worried about a hospital check-up came out and shared some good news. I think. He said: “They x-rayed my head and found nothing.”

The writer is a columnist and journalist.