What could possibly happen when a repentant terrorist meets with a badly traumatized victim years after a deadly attack?

A real former terrorist, Ali Fawzi, and one of his real victims, Vivi Normasari, have a real answer: At first, they would suspiciously stare at each other and engage in name-calling until they exhausted their negative energy before the ex-terrorist became overwhelmed by guilt and unable to fight back tears.

Then they would hug — emotionally.

“I hated him. I was very angry because he kept smiling when telling the audience how he made bombs and how to use them. I thought he was the most notorious man I had ever met,” said Vivi, 40, recalling her first encounter with Ali in a joint forum at a high school in Tangerang, Banten, two years ago.

Vivi, then a multinational bank employee, suffered serious injuries to her legs and hands in the JW Marriott bombing in 2003, which killed 12 people and wounded another 150. She said she has found psychological trauma far more difficult to overcome than her physical injuries.

They met again in Jakarta this week as friends and fellow peace campaigners. A bomb making guru, Ali belonged to the Jamaah Islamiyah, an international terror network under Abu Bakar Ba’asyir. Police identified Ali as mentor of the JW Marriot attackers.

Vivi remembers she would spend her days in solitude in her rooms after she lost her job following the tragedy. She lost her appetite and could hardly sleep for many days. The most devastating moment was when she had to cancel her planned wedding that was at the time only four months away.

“We had been together for 11 years. I was too worried about my [disfigured] hands and fingers,” she said. “I couldn’t imagine shaking hands with my guests.”

Obviously, bringing together terror perpetrators and victims as part of a wider reconciliatory effort, like the one initiated by the Indonesian Peace Alliance (AIDA), is not easy because of the absence of trust between them.

Vivi recounted how she trembled with fear and anger the first time she faced off with Ali, even though she had tried hard to keep calm. He is a brother of Ali Imron and Amrozi, who were executed for their role in the 2002 Bali bombing, which killed 202, mostly Australians.

Ali was known as the mentor of not only the JW Marriott bombers, but also a trainer of jihadists involved in the sectarian strife that claimed thousands of lives in Ambon and Poso in the late 1990s and early 2002. In 2004, he was arrested by the Philippines as he fought alongside Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) rebels. He was repatriated to Indonesia in 2006. Repentant, he was recruited by the police to help them with their counterterrorism strategy.

Just like Vivi, in fact Ali was equally scared the first time he confronted terrorist victims. He said he was hounded by guilt that grew out of the overwhelming regret that the victims were mostly innocent people and not the intended targets.

 “Yes, I felt guilty. I could hardly sleep for weeks after I heard the survivors’ stories. The word ‘sorry’ wasn’t enough to express my regrets,” Ali said.

He felt miserable and wished to escape from the meeting room when survivors began to blame him for their misery. So deep were his guilty feelings that he skipped several reconciliation meetings.

Initially, Vivi did not believe Ali regretted the crimes he had committed, but her heart melted when she saw him weep during a meeting. They hugged.

“A crying terrorist was a strange sight indeed. So I could believe in his sincerity and forgive him, although it is still difficult to forget his crimes,” Vivi said.

Now, they feel comfortable to sit side-by-side and share stories. They laugh and tease each other.

“Being together with [terrorism] survivors convinces me that what we [terrorists] did was wrong and that those survivors are innocent people who have to unduly carry burdens resulting from our misdeeds,” Ali says.

A similarly touching story was told by Sucipto, a survivor of the 2004 Australian embassy bombing, who befriended Iswanto, one of Ali’s trainees. Peaceful coexistence has greatly helped them heal trauma.

“We would spend hours chatting and sharing stories never told before,” Sucipto says, recalling the days following their reconciliation meetings.

AIDA coordinator Hasibullah Satrawi is a proponent of reconciliation between ex-terrorists and victims. The NGO is an ardent critic of the laws that favor ex-terrorists under the pretext of deradicalization programs, but neglect victims.

Unlike the government, which only recruits (former) terrorism convicts in its deradicalization campaigns, AIDA also involves victims.

“Our peace campaigns are targeting school students because at their tender age, they are highly vulnerable to radical ideologies,” Hasibullah said.

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