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Jakarta Post

Urban fathers take on greater role in parenting

Although women as mothers are commonly expected to take on the main role in child-rearing due to gender-role stereotypes, more and more urban fathers are stepping up to the plate in parenting for the betterment of their children

Callistasia Anggun Wijaya (The Jakarta Post)
Jakarta
Tue, November 6, 2018

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Urban fathers take on greater role in parenting

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lthough women as mothers are commonly expected to take on the main role in child-rearing due to gender-role stereotypes, more and more urban fathers are stepping up to the plate in parenting for the betterment of their children.

Private company employee Arief Budiman, 29, said he and his wife shared the responsibility of raising their 2-year-old son. They take turns bathing, feeding and cleaning him when they are at home and get help from Arief’s parents-in-law while at work.

Arief, a resident of Petamburan, Central Jakarta, said he always tried to spend quality time with his child, especially on the weekend, in order to build a strong bond with him.

“Almost every weekend, we go on a random trip via Transjakarta bus or train. The point is I want to spend quality time with my son,” Arief said on Thursday.

Another father, Setiyadi, 30, a resident of Bekasi who works in Central Jakarta, said he enjoyed being more involved in raising his 2-year-old son. He said as his wife also worked, it would not be fair to expect her to take on all parenting duties.

“I can’t see my wife bear the responsibilities alone after a full day at the office. I try my best to help her take care of my son,” he said.

Arief and Setiyadi are among the men who have started to take on a bigger role in child development amid strong patriarchy, even in big cities.

Tata Sudrajat, director of the Families First Signature Program of Sayangi Tunas Cilik Foundation, a partner of children’s rights NGO Save the Children, said although many families still held patriarchal values, some had begun to adopt principles of gender equality.

Father engagement at an early age was crucial in child development, Tata said, with bonds formed not only in daily household tasks but also through physical activities, like teaching children to ride a bicycle or swim.

“A father’s engagement can help in the development of a child’s psychomotor, leadership and cognitive skills. The relationship can also help children control their emotions better,” Tata said during a discussion held recently.

The attachment between a parent and a child was the foundation of a child’s development, he further said, as, with a strong relationship, the child would trust the parent and may turn to them in problematic times.

Senior branding and communications manager of Sayangi Tunas Cilik Foundation, Fajar Jasmin Sugandhi, shared his experience in sharing an equal load in raising two sons and one daughter with his wife.

The Jakarta resident said that, while newlyweds typically focused on their honeymoon after getting married, he and his wife used that time to discuss each other’s role in the family.

“We agreed at that time that working and taking care of children would be the responsibility of both of us. We set no dichotomy between those duties,” he said.

Moreover, Fajar also said that he and his wife agreed that their children as equal stakeholders in their household had voices and opinions that mattered.

“We have to engage the children in setting family rules, from finding out where to go and what to do on holiday to determining their [path in] education. We have to realize that children are as important as our colleagues,” Fajar said.

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