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View all search resultsBy the way ... Singing 'I've Been Tired, Oh My Lord' with my mother-in-law
I met my 84-year-old mother-in-law at her house in Pematang Siantar, a small town in North Sumatra, on Friday
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I
met my 84-year-old mother-in-law at her house in Pematang Siantar, a small town in North Sumatra, on Friday.
She was crying when I shook her hand. She called my name, and then she confidently said, 'You look like my daughter [my wife], but why is your hair very short like Purba's, your husband?'
Then she realized her mistake, and repeatedly apologized for misidentifying me as her daughter. But a few minutes later she asked me, 'Who are you? You are very similar to my son-in-law.'
A trace of beauty was still clear in her face. I think my late father-in-law was very lucky to have such a charming and beautiful wife. She was a great cook, especially in cooking Padang food as her husband had been stationed as an Army soldier for several years in Padang, West Sumatra, where my wife was born. She is a fluent Minang language speaker.
You can question my moral meter because I talked honestly with her about death. I asked her to surrender herself to God. She is still healthy, but I think now is the right time for her to be reunited with her husband, who passed away 30 years ago.
I often joked with her during our telephone conversations, 'When do you plan to die? So we can prepare properly.' She just laughed and answered, 'Can you ask directly to God?'
If you think I am being cruel to her, I would say no! I only want the best thing for her. I also asked the same thing of my own mother before she died in 2008 at the age of 83.
'Inang [mom], let us sing 'Nunga Loja Au Oh Tuhan' [I've Been Tired, Oh My Lord],' I told my mother-in-law. It is a song from the Batak Protestant Church. I think it is beautiful and I like the lyrics. So, we sang it together.
Nungga loja au oh Tuhan! (I've been tired oh my Lord!)
Lam rabbon simalolongku (My eyes are getting blurred)
Raum nang holiholikku (My bones are fragile)
Dang bei sai huparsitta (I am no longer so willing)
Leleng ari arikki (To have longer days)
'I'm ready to die now,' she said after finishing the song. But then she quipped, 'Did you ask me to sing the song for you?'
I am quite sure I am her favorite son-in-law. (You should know the basic requirements to be categorized a much-beloved son- or daughter-in-law). I take care of her, for religious and practical reasons. Moreover, I like her. She never tried to interfere in her children's 'domestic affairs'.
During Friday's conversation, she stared when I asked her,' Do you want to be buried beside amang [your husband]?' My father-in-law was buried in Sipolha, just 100 meters from Lake Toba. The setting is very beautiful and it is a nice resting place.
The truth is I hope she will not suffer too long. Being of such advanced years is, of course, a blessing from God. Her children who live in the same town always told her that she should live longer because they still needed her guidance.
But, I am afraid that her frail health will soon become a burden for her children and also unbearable for her. I live in Jakarta, so I can only provide some financial support. But, her two daughters who live near her will have to take care of her every day.
She has five sons, three daughters, 17 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren. It is perfect. She has every right to receive a full customary funeral service in accordance with our Batak tradition.
Such ceremonies are often very expensive, which means her children must make sufficient financial preparation. It is also the perfect opportunity to show off our wealth publicly, although rationally there is almost no chance for us to make the dream come true.
Many Batak people love to build a super luxurious tomb for their parents. Is it a reflection of true love to their parents or ancestors, or more an extension of their egos? When you travel to Tapanuli, Tanah Karo or Simalungun in North Sumatra, you can easily find lavish burial tombs.
She never made a special wish. When I was about to leave her on Friday, she said, 'When do you want me to die?' Would it be very sinful if I replied, 'ASAP?'
' Kornelius Purba
