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hristmas is coming again. The exact birth date of Jesus Christ has never truly been known, but on every Dec. 24 and 25, in churches we sing the “Silent Night” hymn.

Jesus is not alone in terms of uncertainty. At least he has a friend in my neighborhood. He is an eloquent Protestant preacher, whose wife has never known his correct date of birth, but has obediently stood by his formal — probably inaccurate — documentation for more than two decades.

On Nov. 23 (last month), he forced himself to smile when his 20 guests sang, “Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you.” The father of two grown-up sons tried to act as the perfect host. He did try to demonstrate to his guests how deeply moved he was by the attention from his guests. “I am now 59 years old. Actually, I never celebrate my birthday,” he said. His wife, a well-known cook among her neighbors, provided a lavish dinner.

Two days before the party, I sent him SMS (short messaging service), telling him that we would come to his house. “It is not my birthday,” he responded. “But your wife confirmed the date,” I replied back.

His answer? “My actual birthday is on Aug. 11, and I am two years older.” I don’t know whether my friend ever explained the details to his wife.

However, I still insisted the planned party should go ahead. “You are like Jesus Christ. We Christians commemorate His birthday on Dec. 25, although we will never really know exactly when He was born in Bethlehem.”

“Hallelujah! My fate is like Jesus. Hahahahaha! So, OK, come to my house then.”

Many Indonesians around his age, or older, do not know their actual birth date or age because apparently the government only adopted its birth certificate policy in the 1970s. So, again, Jesus has many friends who have the same problem in this country.

Anyway, Christmas is just a week away. But my family does not have any special preparations. Our three grown up children are busy with their own worlds. In the 1990s we used to share special food with neighbors.

On Idul Fitri our Muslim neighbors sent us delicious meals. But we stopped the tradition a few years ago when a friend frankly told me it was haram (forbidden) for him as a Muslim to eat food given by a Christian on Christmas. I was very grateful for his honesty, although painful, information.

We do not want to make our friends or neighbors commit sin just because of food. I also do not want the meal ending up in the garbage bin. But my wife was quite creative in accommodating the situation. Instead of on Christmas, she sent her specially prepared food to neighbors on New Year eve. It seems the problems of exchanging food were resolved.

I also often feel sad when I become a “ghost” to my many friends every Dec. 25. When we meet on that day many regard me as “nonexistent” or “invisible”. But I familiarized myself and got used to it after recognizing that many Muslims regard it haram to say, “Merry Christmas” because it implies that they acknowledge Jesus as the Son of God. In Islam, Jesus is recognized as a prophet.

Please do not misunderstand. I do not mean to argue with that point of view. I just want to share my feelings, right or wrong. There are many Muslim friends who never hesitate to congratulate me on the occasion because they believe “it is just social courtesy.”

Over the last 10 years, on Christmas Eve or Easter, I always bring my wife to St. Carolus Hospital chapel to attend mass. Our St. Anna church in East Jakarta is always overcrowded on those days. It is nearly impossible for disabled people, like my wife, to get a seat there. Our priests always promised to provide special seats for handicapped or elderly people on those very special moments. (Please remember, however, that priests are trained to preach to other people but not necessarily deliver on their own promises). Hopefully the barbaric terrorist attacks which claimed tens of lives in Jakarta and in other cities in 2000 will never happen again. The terrorists claimed they were exercising their obligations as Muslims, even though most Muslims in this country are against such actions.

Merry Christmas. For us Christians, Jesus is the Son of God. For Muslims he is a prophet. Should we make it a big deal in our social life?

— Kornelius Purba