Why is it a big deal?
To put it simply, personal relationships pose certain risks arising from “conflicts of interest” and go against the old adage which says that one should not mix personal and professional relationships. Nobody likes handling conflict at work, especially if it has personal elements to it. So, “keep it professional”, many would say.
But how realistic is that?
All of us long for companionship and connections in our life. It gives us the sense of belonging, purpose, confidence and satisfaction, which are all important for our well-being. And life does not stop the moment we step into our office. Hence, it is unrealistic to expect people to be professional with their coworkers all the time.
The office is a place where all sorts of relationships happen. And while a lot of companies have policies in place for romantic and family relationships at work (mostly by placing the individuals in different lines of reporting), friendship is harder to navigate due to its lack of definitive boundaries.
Let us start with the good news first
Friendship at work is generally a good thing. People are naturally wired to connect with others and form relationships with those we have something in common with. If we spend eight hours in the office (often longer), we will inevitably bond with our colleagues, some more strongly than others.
Having friends at work enables us to share the concerns we have and alleviate the burden from within. This helps in improving our stress levels and mental health. As a result, we enjoy our time at work, feel engaged and become more productive.
Where it can go wrong, though
Friendship at work can be tricky when the relationship involves crossing the hierarchical line and power dynamic is at play, for example between senior and junior employees, or managers and employees. More challenging are the situations with new leadership positions such as new managers who are not yet equipped with adequate leadership skills or team members becoming envious when one of their friends is promoted to become their boss.
Another area of challenge is the formation of a herd mentality that undermines group dynamics. People who are friends may favor consensus instead of conflicts in decision making. As a result, they do not challenge each other enough and miss better, more optimum outcomes. Down the line, this may backfire on the people involved because we come to work to achieve certain results and producing something that is just mediocre will significantly affect our job satisfaction.
Drawing the boundaries
Toxic friendships, whether in the office or elsewhere, are detrimental to mental health. Therefore, establishing and managing friendship boundaries is key. The hardest part of this is drawing the boundary lines exactly where they should be. This requires emotional intelligence on our part to really know ourselves and communicate this clearly.
Boundaries are especially important to manage when there is a power change, for example, when one of the friends is promoted to become the boss. In this context, boundaries must be set upfront among the friends right after the promotion happens. By acknowledging the change in relationship, both parties will have greater awareness about what is expected, the dos and the don’ts, going forward.
Concerns may also arise from people at large, other colleagues in the office or management. They may suspect some favoritism, breaches of confidential information, or unfair alliances among friends. In such cases, address the issues clearly and appropriately as soon as possible. Silence or avoidance will only send the signal that something is indeed going on.
Is it worth it?
Oh yes, definitely yes!
While building friendships in the office does take time and quite a bit of social navigation, it is well worth the effort. Common struggles and goals form strong bonds that often lead to breakthrough ideas, better solutions and innovation. Arguments may arise and can be frustrating, but through those uncomfortable situations we grow and become more mature. This is where true friendship at work becomes really rewarding.
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