Even before freedom of speech was a concept, people loved to speak freely. The notion that more is better when it comes to communication is so deeply ingrained that we tend to apply the same principle to our daily conversations.
But the excessive use of words can make conversations superfluous and even confusing, because people may attach different meanings to the words we use. Even good intentions and excellent ideas can be misunderstood if we do not pay attention to the words we use or fail to adapt our speech to our audience.
It might seem counterintuitive to limit our speech, but saying less doesn’t necessarily mean thinking less. When we refrain from excessive speech, we give our minds a chance to prioritize what’s important and relevant, the things that really matter. At the same time, we also avoid saying things we may end up regretting.
So how do we say more with less? Communicating with impact is an art form that requires us to optimize in various ways.
Communication is a two-way street
In our interactions with others, we often focus on what we want to say. But great conversations are less about talking and more about listening. That might be a surprise to some, but it shouldn’t be!
Talking is easy because words are in abundance: It doesn’t take much thought to string together a coherent sentence. On the other hand, attentive listening is challenging because it requires us to be more selfless and open-minded, even toward views we don’t necessarily agree with.
A common tendency when listening is to hear enough to respond, but rarely to actually understand what the other person is saying.
In order to have great conversations, we need to be active listeners, keeping ourselves engaged with our counterparts in a positive way. That means processing the points they are trying to get across through paraphrasing and reflecting what they’ve said while withholding our judgement and unnecessary advice. This is the way to achieving greater understanding.
Focus on quality
The debate on quantity versus quality in communication is a perennial one. When it comes to great conversations, however, the winner is almost always quality.
Think of a conversation as something more than just talking. A quality conversation is more than just two people exchanging words, and involves a genuine exchange of information or ideas where both parties are engaged and open to receiving information and sharing ideas.
With so much information being exchanged nowadays, our attention span is shrinking. Instead of having deeper engagement and conversations, we tend to get distracted easily. We then find ourselves struggling to maximize the impact we get from that limited window of attention.
Changing the way we speak with others can have a profound impact on the quality of our conversations, starting with being mindful of the words we use.
We often use fancy words and jargon because we think they make us sound impressive. But if we want others to understand us, doesn’t it make more sense to use simpler or more common words that help them grasp our message? After all, a great conversation is all about facilitating greater understanding and learning.
Beyond words
Conversations involve much more than words. When we communicate, we use our whole body, not just our mouths and ears. Nonverbal cues, such as personal appearance, facial expressions and body language, are also a significant part of any conversation. Sometimes, they can be more powerful than words because they are the vehicles with which we communicate our emotions.
When our nonverbal cues are aligned with our spoken words, they increase trust, clarity and rapport. On the contrary, when they are unaligned, others can sense this and that creates mistrust, confusion and tension.
This is why we need to be aware of our emotions and how they influence us. At the same time, we need to recognize the emotions others are experiencing through our nonverbal cues. Being conscious of our nonverbal cues helps us conduct more consistent and effective communication, as well as create environments that are conducive to learning.
Enabling personal growth
If we are open to changing our mindset from speaking excessively to improving how we say things and listen to others, we are giving ourselves an opportunity for personal growth and learning. We will also enhance our ability to make deeper and more diverse connections, with the added bonus of having more enjoyable discussions and interactions through real engagement.
Have a question about urban transportation? Send it to wir@thejakartapost.com with your name and current location (anonymous submissions will also be considered). Please note that The Jakarta Post reserves the right to edit your letters for publication.