What cause women to have difficulties in achieving orgasm?

Here are some of the reasons.

You don't know the true form of orgasm

Many women have never had an orgasm before, and sometimes there is fear and dismay that haunts them when encountering the unknown. Difficulties in orgasms may root from anxieties in the expectations of the true form of an orgasm. This 'fear’ may prevent you from having one.

Orgasms are a personal experience and each woman experiences a different orgasm from one another. Furthermore, orgasm intensity may also differ. Sometimes, it may feel so strong that it makes you overwhelmed. Other times, you may not feel anything other than a minor sensation in your body -- one that you may not even realize.

You are too busy with yourself

Control is one of the aspects that is valued and upheld by our society. We have the urge to be responsible for every little detail in our lives, and we feel dismay when we are faced with something uncertain. There are so many aspects of life that we cannot control, one of which is the orgasm.

If you have difficulties in this matter, do understand that to orgasm does not mean you are completely losing control of your body. At most, your limbs will be a little shaky, and your vaginal walls will tighten, but it would not be like you are having a seizure.

You don’t feel comfortable with your sex partner

Undergoing an orgasm is a vulnerable experience. Sometimes, we feel that our body is being blocked due to not fully trusting our sex partner. Even when you think you are comfortable with that person, the body may catch some negative energy from them, indicating that you are not ready to have an orgasm. In some cases, you may need some time to get to know your partner better. In other cases, he may not be the right person for you.

You’ve experienced some traumatizing sexual conduct

There are many reports of uncomfortable or even sexual experiences surrounded in hardships. Our body remembers that traumatizing experience, even when we feel that we have recovered from it. If you have undergone a negative sexual experience, it can be difficult for you to focus on the moment and let your mind and body relax to enjoy sex.

(Read also: Can sex really alleviate migraines?)

You forgot to urinate

When your partner intensively gives you vaginal stimulation, this can trigger you to feel the need to urinate. The G-spot is surrounded by a gland called the Skene’s gland, which is connected to the bladder. So, each contact made to the G-spot may urge you to urinate, even when you don't really have to, resulting in the tightening of your pelvic floor muscles to resist wetting yourself, therefore disconnecting you from the orgasm phase. Additionally, some women may excrete ejaculation fluids and assume that it is urine, so when the fluid starts to excrete, they use their pelvic muscle to stop the flow, basically eliminating the orgasm.

Before sex, do urinate first. More on, do urinate before and after sex as it will decrease the risk of STD’s.

Ways to know the symptoms of orgasm

According to WebMD, around 10 percent of women have never experienced an orgasm at all — either from penis-vagina penetration or masturbation. Yet, the women’s body is designed in such a way to handle multiple orgasms, which means that once you have reached the first climax, the next climb will be easier and not impossible. Women do not need post-orgasm recovery time like men do. Therefore, you will still get some stimulation a lot longer and can reach a second, third, or fourth orgasm, and so on, with minimal effort.

If you are confused as to whether you have experienced an orgasm or not, one of the techniques you can try is to pay more attention to your body's reaction when reaching the orgasm phase. Each woman is different, but the majority will have some kind of physiological response without knowing it, such as shaky muscles or twitching out of control, a sudden increase of heart rate, skipped breathing similar to being strangled or a reddish chest. The key is to find other methods to get to arousal before or during penetration. For instance, form lust and a pathway to orgasm with intense foreplay, focus on clitoral stimulation and not only penetration during sex, stay focused on both of your activities or try to practice yoga breathing to align your mind and body.

The importance of foreplay

Generally, women need around 20 minutes from the first arousal toward an orgasm phase, a period in which the clitoris becomes highly sensitive in preparing the body to welcome an orgasm. Skipping the entire sexual response cycle will make it difficult to achieve an orgasm. Seeking your partner’s assistance to achieve an orgasm even before penetration will prepare your body to ejaculate and respond to the next vaginal stimulation during penetration, compared to achieving an orgasm for the first time. Orgasm during foreplay will increase the chances of reaching climax during penetration. 

If you do not experience an orgasm during foreplay, don't worry. However, do not just quit what you are doing. When your partner spoils you with foreplay, he will open up new ways for your orgasm. If you are stimulated slowly, then you’ll be stimulated for a long period of time. (kes)

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