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Family support a rare prize for homosexuals
"If I told my mother that I had decided to become a heterosexual, she would certainly throw a party," Valen, a homosexual man in his twenties told a workshop on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intrasexual and queer (LGBTIQ) sexualities, held Wednesday in Jakarta
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"If I told my mother that I had decided to become a heterosexual, she would certainly throw a party," Valen, a homosexual man in his twenties told a workshop on lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, intrasexual and queer (LGBTIQ) sexualities, held Wednesday in Jakarta.
The audience responded with hearty laughter, but there were deeper concerns behind Valen's joke.
He was telling them about his relationship with his mother, in line with the workshop's theme on family support toward minority sexualities.
Valen recited the time he confessed to his mother that he was homosexual. "My ex-partner died in my house, I had no choice but to tell my mother about the relationship between us," he said.
"I got down on my knees and told her. I also said that even though our relationship is not deemed as normal, I treated my partner better than the way my heterosexual sister treated hers."
Valen's mother eventually accepted his sexual identity. However, according to him, she would be much more at ease if he was heterosexual.
He then turned to one of the speakers on stage, Prita, whose son recently came out to her about his homosexuality.
"So have you really accepted your son's sexuality, or deep down do you still want him to be straight?" Valen asked.
Prita looked down from her spectacles and took a deep breath before answering, "I have promised all of my children that I will accept them and their problems no matter what, as long as they don't hide anything from me, so I have to accept my son's sexuality as well."
Her son, who now works in a production house, told her about his sexual orientation about five months ago. "It was funny actually, he said very timidly that he had a lover. I asked him jokingly, is your lover sweet, pretty or handsome and he replied *please don't be mad, but my lover is a handsome'," she told the audience.
Although several LGBTIQ members have made it big in the show business in Indonesia, the majority are still vulnerable to discrimination, limited career options, and sexually transmitted diseases.
Angel, a transsexual activist, was not as fortunate as Valen or Prita's son when she came out. "My father was a sailor, and was rarely home. He was shocked to discover the changes in me and he beat me up," she said. She later left her hometown for Jakarta.
"Some of my transsexual friends were very young when they left their homes in their villages because they couldn't stand the family pressure," Angel said. "With limited educational backgrounds, they ended up being prostitutes or street musicians," she said.
Most Indonesian parents are still reluctant to accept a LGBTIQ child.
"My son's friends often said they wished their parents were more accepting, like me," said Prita. However, small victories still occur. In 2005, my father finally accepted my sexuality, that was the best year of my life," Angel said. (dis)
