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DKI Jakarta, Indonesia
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Game developers ordered to make pro-Communism video games

  • Nury Vittachi

Bangkok | Sun, February 3 2013 | 11:46 am

Communism is great. Oh yeah. The Chinese government has ordered digital entertainment firms to make pro-party computer games, to attract the young generation. A huge developer firm named Shanda has agreed to create “red games”, and smaller firms are doing the same. Some are being made from scratch, while others are being “repurposed” in classic mainland China style. Here are five ideas:

1) Space Invaders: You rule a country and have to expand your space to include neighbors such as Tibet, Hong Kong, East Turkistan, Taiwan, Europe, Vancouver, Gerard Street, etc.

2) Angry Birds: You fire furious wives and mistresses from a sling and they land on offices where philandering officials are hiding.

3) Resident Evil: You are a developer who has to pay bribes to village headmen in a race to tear down nail houses and build shopping malls.

4) The Elder Scrolls: You are an old man in the politburo trying to write newspaper editorials about how communism is the best economic system when you know it’s totally absurd.

5) Fruit Ninja: You have to take a speedboat toward disputed islets and throw rotten fruits at Japanese warships.

***

A detective specializing in uncovering secret love affairs secretly married a second woman. He was promptly caught by his wife, also a detective. Jemima Priyadarshini of Chennai used her work skills to track her husband David to the home of the Other Woman, the UK Daily Telegraph reported.

This sounds like a really bad Asian romantic comedy, right? Sorry, I just realized the terms “really bad” and “Asian romantic comedy” are probably tautologous.

***

Soldiers in Germany are growing boobs. Doctors believe that a military step where they slap their chests is responsible. The sharp pressure excites the nerves and causes the breasts to expand, according to an article in Medical Daily, sent in by Candice Yiu.

This is the sort of information that the media should not print. It’s dangerous. Women may slap themselves. Men may be tempted to slap women. Actually, knowing the perverted nature of the male brain, I think it’s more likely that men will slap themselves “just to see”.

Women: If you hear slapping noises from the bathroom followed by your husbands emerging smiling as if they have new toys, call a doctor.

***

A CD of silence has sold out. The high quality 30-minute recording of nothing happening at a church in UK attracted orders from around the world.

A friend of mine, who has four children and four pets, asked me: “Could you find out if the bit-torrent folks have pirated this?” I told him it wasn’t the sort of thing they normally stole, but suggested he go to a church during off-peak hours to record the silence. “Then you can sell your own version.” Thought for the day: The first step toward making money is realizing just how stupid consumers are.

***

An error-filled map caused a US Navy ship to wreck itself on reefs on the coast of the Philippines last week, I heard from reader Christian Fardel, who works in the transport industry. So, the US navy navigates by iPhone now?

The writer is a columnist and journalist.

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