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hether we like it or not, and '€œlikes'€, as you know, are massively important, Facebook will eventually envelope the world so that all of us will report to Mark Zuckerberg and his team in Silicon Valley. This will be a huge relief for the human race as it will mean the '€œgreat competition'€ for human attention is over, and we are now subservient to one master.

In achieving this truly remarkable feat, we will all be friends with everyone around the world, chatting away to Mr. and Mrs. St George Oginga Wallaboni and family in their humble mud abode in central Chad, or to Richard Branson about the price of a return trip to Mars.

Our daily routines will revolve around communication technology and social networking, the wakeup call being the time to open up the inbox and enjoy the millions of messages left by your global friends. This deep and meaningful world of online conversations will help to educate people in what really matters, like what Justin Bieber had for breakfast and Wayne Rooney'€™s expert opinion on Salford hotels.

Indonesia will likely lead the world when it comes to gossip, corruption and celebs, as it is the most progressive of nations when it comes to things that are important, stimulating and on a level with cinetron (soap operas). But there is a sinister side of this, as the main objective is to disengage the function of people'€™s brains, a cunning US ploy that is not only subtle but also hugely profitable to the privileged few.

I looked at my received mail only yesterday, an array of truly mindboggling opportunities to stimulate my life. There was the Genie zip bra, wicked survival bracelet, burial insurance discount, Asian and Brazilian hotties, Russian brides and the delightful Sing Ching who wants to chat with me perhaps about BIG N HARD or the shortage of matches in Tibet.

There are those that don'€™t subscribe to Facebook, and to them I would say you are missing out on the real world and need to reevaluate your priorities on an urgent basis. You may be wondering what Sing Ching wanted to say, but I'€™m afraid it was not only too intimate to share, but also physically impossible at my age.

At one stage, I did contemplate suicide and therefore took a family vote on it. It was 5-4 in favor of staying alive with two abstentions, so a close run thing and maybe a godsend that granny is deaf and that the dog never got a vote.

David Wallis
Medan