I am shocked and deeply upset at the death of a 5-year-old child, allegedly at the hands of his expat father, who is believed to be fighting with his former wife for custody of the boy ('€œMan charged with murder of son, 5'€; Thursday).

This tragedy highlights a number of issues about expatriate family life. First, despite the perception that expatriate families come to Singapore and '€œlive it large'€ in a Disneyland-type bubble, the reality is that expatriate life here can be very stressful.

Separation from family and friends back home, high-powered jobs with one parent absent on business trips, and localized packages that strip away many of the financial benefits expats once enjoyed have become the norm.

Expat life in Singapore is expensive, and many families are doing it on tight budgets, with few (if any) perks and virtually no access to subsidized amenities (housing, schools, medical care).

This brings with it innumerable stresses.

Your comments:

Acceptance comes when you can tell yourself that there are some things, no matter what, you can'€™t change.

Simaging

I thought it was in Jakarta while I was reading the title. Very different in Indonesia. Expats here will do everything to work and stay in Indonesia. Will never think of leaving Indonesia for another job in another country. Even many foreigners build their businesses illegally and some work without proper visas.

Ray Genta

Really? I thought expats hate Indonesia, they keep bitching on The Jakarta Post about it day in day out. Thanks for letting us know.

Henning

Ignorance again. What pisses most of us off is witnessing the daily dose of destruction in the form of kkn and religion. We express our anger mainly because of our love for Indonesia, not hate. I speak as a Western expat not an Asian one.

Kampung Black

There are worse places to live as an expat than Singapore. At least you are treated '€œnormal'€ compared to in Indonesia, where expats are harassed and blamed for everything that goes wrong. (JIS.)

Mixed Bag

Expat life is what you make it. It has its ups and downs. A marriage between an expat, bound to leave, and a local, man or woman, will require a lot from the spouse when the contract ends.

The other way around, if you decide to stay, you will have to accept and manage the cultural differences. It'€™s all up to how strong you are, your spouse and your relationship.

Most divorces are due to a fast start, often with parties and a lot of entertainment, which turns into the boring daily life which is far from as fun as the start was.

The people around you will most of the time have a lot of opinions, regardless of where you are, and it will require a very strong bond between you and your spouse. Expat life and intercultural relationships are not for all. Take it slow and be honest to yourself and your spouse, then at least you might have a chance.

Orang Biasa

Whilst expats remain cash cows for local companies in Asia, support networks will always be thinly spread and predominantly self-interested, from the company'€™s perspective, at best. One of the things I have noticed about Indonesia is the two-faced way many think about foreigners and interracial relationships. This fickle thinking, of course, makes its way into policy, or, in this case, the lack of.

Low expectations, always. That'€™s the only answer to living here without going crazy.

LM

If Singapore is bad, Indonesia is worse for its 56,000 legal expats. No one or very few, speak English, corruption is rampant, although the cost of living is much lower, standards, discipline and cleanliness are substandard throughout the country, with everyone trying to exploit and extort money from the few expats that live here. Stress, big time! Burdens, many. Frustration, always. For Westerners living here, it is a major challenge to adapt to a very backward mentality, uneducated and generally corrupt government.

Willo

Most of the 56,000 expats are Asians[...] just for the record. I know expats get blamed for everything, but we really are a tiny group especially outside of Jakarta and Bali

KB

There should be a marriage counselor facilitated for expats. For free. As a part of the package from your employers.

Dancewithliberty

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