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Love is all you need ' but in truckloads
Quality time: Eny Susilowati (left) and her husband Farid Mukh Pakhrudin (right) pose with their daughter Elvina Salsabila Alfany
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Quality time: Eny Susilowati (left) and her husband Farid Mukh Pakhrudin (right) pose with their daughter Elvina Salsabila Alfany.
Like most parents who discover their child has autism, the message was delivered slowly and came as a shock.
For Eny Susilowati, 33 and her videographer husband Farid Mukh Pakhrudin, 30, it wasn't until their daughter Elvina Salsabila Alfany was in her third year that they started seeking advice.
Other mothers were hearing the most rewarding word in every parent's lexicon ' 'Mommy'. But there was no magic word for Eny.
'Elvina wouldn't make eye contact,' said her mother. 'Her language was gibberish. She kept spinning around and couldn't concentrate.'
The eventual diagnosis was an asteroid hit to the family.
'I was so depressed; we knew nothing about autism. There are no genetic flaws in my family or my husband's,' Eny said.
'I wept and wept and thought about killing myself. Farid persuaded me that I could not leave Elvina alone; we had a joint responsibility. He is such a good man and shares our daughter's care.'
Like all parents, she wondered what she'd done wrong.
'I thought God had punished me,' she said. 'I bled during pregnancy and had contractions long before birth. I was eating a lot of seafood. Now I fear it may have been polluted,' she said, adding that she also become emotional and angry for no reason ' it was not a good pregnancy.
After the diagnosis, she said they sought help from a mosque.
'I was told to bathe at 3 a.m. with my daughter. We all got sick afterwards. Many doctors don't know much either ' we've had to go to Surabaya [a six hour drive] to find the best medical help,' Eny said.
'Since then we've been determined to do our own research and work out the best upbringing for her.'
That includes putting Elvina on a non-dairy diet and trying dolphin assisted therapy where the child interacts with the intelligent sea mammals. This is a highly disputed technique condemned by some medical authorities as quackery.
However, after a costly session in Jakarta, Eny said her daughter started to make eye contact with her parents and can now repeat counting up to ten in English.
Elvina's parents are regular visitors to the Autism Center where treatment is free. While the children get therapy, the adults chat. Inevitably many ideas and experiences are shared in the building's lobby; support reinforces resolve.
'I realise that we have so many shared problems,' Eny said. 'We wanted another baby, but that plan has been cancelled. All our energies must go to helping our daughter.
She said the special school is good, but Elvina won't go there.
'We want her to be in a normal school. This is my dream. That is my commitment,' she said. 'I tell her: Elvina: In my eyes you are normal.'
