Congratulations! That long-awaited promotion finally comes, and is that not a great feeling -- to finally be acknowledged for our hard work and achievement. But when the celebration is over, the first day as a boss can be really daunting. Peers now become subordinates and some of them might be resistant to a change in leadership. This calls for an awkward, even difficult, conversation.
Embrace the new reality
Many of us have been through that first experience of becoming a leader. It might be via formal means such as promotion or assignments, but the opportunity might also arrive informally through ad hoc projects or events. Invariably, among our first responses is, “How should I tell my peers that I am their leader now?”
Now, before jumping into that difficult conversation with former peers, beware that there is a more important conversation to be had: a conversation with ourselves.
We must ask ourselves these questions: How do we feel about this change? Any panicky feeling? Any imposter syndrome? Calm down first. Handle that. Talk to somebody if necessary. We must first embrace the new leadership position, because everything starts with that.
Establish rules upfront
Having difficult conversation is, well, … difficult. But the longer we postpone it, the more difficult it becomes, because things will be more complex later at work with issues, crises and misalignment.
In this context, we can borrow some learning from sports. Athletes going into competitions know the rules of the game. Those rules have been established long before. Therefore, when there are disputes in the game, each party can refer to the same set of reference.
Setting boundaries with former peers encompasses a few critical items. Tell them how we feel about the recent change in the hierarchy and listen to their feelings about it. Address how the power dynamics have shifted and what the new work setup will be going forward. Discuss what to do when there is conflict of interest between work and friendship. And more importantly, genuinely ask them for their support.
Maintain the boundaries
Setting boundaries is hard but maintaining boundaries is even harder, especially with people we are familiar and comfortable with. As humans, it is our tendency to fall back to that “friendship” mode.
Healthy relationships at work requires radical candor, the kind of direct honesty that addresses problems without aggression or insincerity. The ultimate purpose of this is to align the team’s performance with the company’s objectives. This is unlike brute honesty, or putting others down instead of supporting or motivating them to improve.
Meritocracy is a useful principle to adhere to when navigating that challenging boss-friend relationship. That means everybody must be evaluated based on their talent, effort and achievement rather than wealth, rank or relationship. Clear structures and processes must be there so that the whole team knows that they are treated fairly and there is no room for favoritism to friends.
Capture the opportunity for growth
Many companies choose to prioritize internal promotion rather than external hiring in their talent strategy. It is less time consuming, more cost effective (less training and ramp-up effort) and it is a great way to recognize people’s potential.
At the same time, internal promotion means that there will be new leaders who are managing their former peers. Given the significance and complexity of managing this transition, awareness of change-management approaches such as the above is key.
It can indeed be challenging when people go through the change of becoming leaders to their peers. However, that is not necessarily a bad thing as change enables growth. Being able to manage change successfully opens the paths to self-discovery and personal development.
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