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ike any other regular work day, my day recently started with fighting my way through overcrowded commuter lines. Sometimes, I am lucky enough to secure a tiny spot to sit. Often, I am not that lucky and have to stand all the way to Sudirman train station, crammed and jammed along with other passengers.

That morning, however, the train was not too overcrowded. As usual, I wanted nothing more than doing something to relax, such as enjoying my novel. As I was immersed at my reading, I heard growing commotion of bantering and bickering. It stole my attention. The increasing mayhem became louder and all eyes stared at the two middle-aged ladies who sat side by side right in front of my standing spot.

I decided to eavesdrop what’s all the fuss about but absolutely did not plan to butt into the heating conversation uninvited. I just wanted to be a silent observer. Who knows I might learn one or two lessons from it. And this is what I grasp to understand “To speak your mind effectively, you need to do it the right way.”   

It happened that both ladies were having their light breakfast on train. The lady in a cropped black hair was having nasi uduk; savoring its delight with her bare fingers (this image annoyed me first time I laid my eyes on the lady. Nobody but the lady with the headscarf next to her who seemed annoyed with the leftover rice spilled over).

Perhaps, I might feel the same if I sat next a person who spilled rice all over. She was at the same age perhaps. She had some fried banana for her breakfast, neatly stashed in Tupperware. In contrast with the first lady, her face was stern, sour, unsmiling, and simply unfriendly.

Her dislike was intensifying when her neighbor dumped the garbage on the floor carelessly. She expressed her objection with an offending remark, tone and expression. As a result, all she got was negative responses and landed herself in a heated argument.

I believe when someone wants to say that he/she feels annoyed and irritated by others, he/she should express his/her disapproval in the right way, avoiding offending and offensive words. He/she must know how to speak up his/her mind without offending the intended person at the same time.

He/she has to get prepared that he/she will sometimes ruffle the feathers of others when speaking their mind, and thus there will always be people who do not agree with them or even go as far as arguing and debating. Our world is full of nonaltruistic humans who think first and foremost of themselves.

It’s rare to find people who care what others might feel and just storm out with emotional flares without thinking. It is definitely a bad idea to speak your mind without taking the time “to think before you speak”. Therefore, the best way to speak up your mind effectively is to think carefully about what you say.

Herlina
Jakarta