JP/Rita Widiadana

'€œFrom the moment of my birth, I live with pain at the center of my life. My only purpose in life was to find a way to coexist with intense pain.'€'€” Haruki Murakami'€™s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle.

Haruki Murakami'€™s words ring true for Kevin Stevanus Senjaya Halim, a prominent activist promoting rights for the transgendered community and other LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) groups in Indonesian and the Asia-Pacific.

Born to a well-educated family in Jakarta, from the very beginning of her life as a mere four-year-old, Kevin felt that she was different from her friends.

'€œI was biologically born a boy, but in my heart I was a girl inside out,'€ recalls Kevin.

For many years, Kevin lived in a labyrinth of confusion. '€œIt was like your soul was trapped in someone else'€™s body.'€

A few years ago, after long and thoughtful consideration, Kevin bravely decided to reveal her authentic life to the world.

Of course, it shocked her parents, family and friends. '€œIt was a hard and difficult decision, yet it was liberating at the same time to come to terms with who I really was.'€

Being transgendered is not a '€œlifestyle choice'€, she says. '€œIt is not a trend. It is something that happens to a small percentage of the world'€™s population. No one yet knows whether it could be a genetic phenomenon or something else.'€

Indonesia, along with other countries in the Asia-Pacific region, is home to numerous transgendered people '€” individuals whose gender identity differs from social norms related to their gender of birth. A study has revealed that there are possibly around 9 to 9.5 million '€œtrans'€ people across the region.

The term transgender describes a wide range of people who identify as male or female, or a gender beyond these two, or identify in ways that transcend gender.

In Indonesia, a transgendered person is often labeled a waria, which is an abbreviation of wanita-pria (female-male). This term is respectful, and previously they were also known as wadam, short for wanita Adam (Adam women).

 But there are more demeaning terms such as banci or bencong (Indonesian slang), wandu (Javanese) and kedie (in Javanese and Balinese). In Thailand, they are called kathoey, maknyah in Malaysia, yenyiu in China and Hijra in India.

'€œPeople see us as strange, mentally sick and sinful persons. We are just human beings like other people. Society does not acknowledge our existence.'€

While in America and other Western countries, the visibility of transgendered people is increasing, especially with the coming out of celebrities like Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner, who changed his gender to female, model and artist Laverne Cox and other high profile transgendered individuals.

In Indonesia, transgendered people are often portrayed in negative ways. They often play the part of laughing stocks in many slapstick comedies, or are seen as weird or even scary people.

Indonesian people may well remember the first openly declared transgendered person, Vivian Rubianti (aka Iwan Rubianto), who went through a controversial gender reassignment surgery in l973. Rubianti opened the door to people who wanted to change their gender through surgery by going to court and demanding that she be allowed to do so.

But, in the political domain, there have not yet been any transgendered or LGBT Indonesians voted into government. Therefore, this particular minority lacks representation, or any kind of leverage, in the nation'€™s decision-making bodies.

Some years ago, two transgender activists Yulianus '€œMami Yuli'€ and Nancy nominated themselves as members for the National Commission for Human Rights (Komnas Ham) only to be ridiculed and humiliated by members of the House, who conducted the selection process.

'€œWhat the majority of people in Indonesia know about transgendered people comes from a perception that this body of people are essentially vagrants '€” the homeless, street singers, street-based sex workers and those who hang out on the streets and public parks at night,'€ Kevin said.

The world seems to leave no room for those with a transgender identity '€” young or old.

'€œAs a young transgendered woman in a patriarchal society, I suffer from all the patterns of discrimination imposed upon people like me in society. We may have to deal with such profound discrimination from birth to the grave.'€

And she really means it. Young transgendered people and other LGBT Indonesians have always experienced tumultuous and dangerous lives in school, in society and often within their own families and friendship groups.

Schools are one of the most dangerous '€œbattle grounds'€ for transgendered youth and other LGBT citizens. The school classrooms and schoolyards are fertile grounds for various forms of bullying. There is physical and emotional bullying in both the real and cyber spheres, and it is often directed against LGBT youth.

'€œEvery day, we have to struggle against gruesome body shaming, hatred and negative and mean attitudes toward our conditions.'€

In addition to rampant bullying, young transgendered people face often insurmountable challenges in their daily lives related to the absence of parental support, lack of accesses to public services and facilities including health care services, education and employment opportunities.

Many young LGBT people have low self-esteem. '€œGuilt and feelings of sin and abnormality are common feelings among young LGBT people, potentially leading to unhealthy physical and mental health conditions. Some even commit suicide because of these huge mental burdens.'€

Parents, families and society contribute to this unhealthy and brutal situation. '€œMany parents are too ashamed to acknowledge their LGBT children. They often kick them out of the house because the parents are unable to bear the social and cultural pressures that result from having an LGBT child. Consequently, many LGBT Indonesians, especially young transgendered people, end up on the streets.'€

'€œI have to say I am lucky to have finished my bachelor degree at one of the most reputable universities in the country,'€ says Kevin, who has become a positive role model for young transgendered people in Indonesia.

Kevin obtained a degree in psychology with her thesis entitled: Relationship between Religious Commitment, Coming Out, and Subjective Well-Being of Jakarta'€™s Transgendered Community.

While still in college, Kevin volunteered in various capacities to help out transgendered community organizations based in Jakarta.

She has been active in promoting and supporting these voiceless groups in various regional, national and international forums by arguing for the recognition of transgender and LGBT rights.

Kevin later moved to Bangkok and now works as secretary for the Asia Pacific Transgender Network.

Together with other activists, Kevin co-wrote: Being LGBT in Asia-Indonesia Report, with the support of UNDP and USAID.

'€œI dream of living in a world where all people, regardless of their culture, ethnicity, religion or sexual orientation can live in peace and harmony.'€

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