M

y Facebook feed has recently seen a flurry of violently homophobic posts; one friend even sent an invitation to attend an Islamic exorcism, or ruqyah, in reaction to my vocal support for LGBT rights.

Certain so-called psychologists appearing on the Indonesian Lawyers Club (ILC) television talk show have fueled this madness by claiming that homosexuality is an illness. Uninformed Muslims have spread this misinformation on Facebook as an argument for their discriminatory stance.

One of the most commonly stated concerns of the anti-LGBT lobby is the development of children. If they are to be believed, gay propaganda spread through the media is alarming; it even contains pornography.

I often share posts about gay rights, but never once have I shared sexually explicit images. Indeed, I'€™m a follower of Dr. Gail Dines, an antipornography activist, who says the explosion of pornography is harmful and has hijacked our sexuality.

The irony is that it is the anti-LGBT movements themselves that pose a danger to gay children. Imagine children having to listen to repeated stories about God'€™s wrath, trying to change their sexual orientation but to no avail, hiding their sexual orientation to please family members and friends. What do children in this situation feel? I know, because I have first-hand experience of it.

Studying at an Islamic primary school, the story of Lot was engraved on my mind. It was the background of my master plan to cleanse my soul. Without anyone'€™s help, as I told no one about this tendency,

I did my own research by reading religious books. I came to the conclusion that I could be saved by studying Islam, reading the Koran and praying more. That was how I began to live my entire childhood believing that I must pray the gay away.

I went to an Islamic boarding school, read the Holy Scripture and prayed sunnah prayers; I thought the plan had worked, as I started dating a girl, but I realized that my inner desires hadn'€™t changed.

My life as a teenager was even more painful; falling in love with another boy was inevitable, but I decided to punish myself for doing so. I still recall the emotional outrage that I expressed frequently in front of a mirror. I yelled, cursed and cried.

Once, I hit my own reflection in the school hall mirror; I hurt my fist, but the thick glass didn'€™t shatter, just like my sexual orientation. I suppressed the will to express my love even after I graduated senior high school. I grew even more confused and asked God why he was doing this to me.
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The irony is that it is the anti-LGBT movements themselves that pose a danger to gay children.

It was not until I began studying at a state university that I began to explore different thoughts and
theories. I came across books written by liberal Islam activists allowing Muslims to independently interpret verses in the Koran. I read Musdah Mulia'€™s interpretation of the story of Lot. She said it was not homosexuality, which was condemned, but liwath or sodomy, as it was an unhealthy form of sexual intercourse.

These discoveries did not immediately affect my stance, but, gradually, as I continued my study and read more books, I grew critical of the self-hatred that I had developed since childhood. By the time I graduated, I had completely transformed my view of my sexuality.

My childhood memories came to life again when I saw a picture of a boy on the '€œHumans of New York'€ Facebook page. His face expressed sadness, as he was unsure that in the future people would accept his sexual orientation.

The picture garnered massive popularity; even Hillary Clinton wrote a comment on it. I once felt the same as the boy in the picture, and I believe there are many more currently feeling the same way, even in the Muslim community.

Being a young gay Muslim in Indonesia is certainly not easy; people of the same faith will bring down your self-esteem and you may grow up hating yourself. I wondered if gay children were prepared to face such challenges.

As such, I decided to write a children'€™s story: Salim'€™s Secret. It'€™s about a boy who has a crush on his friend and is taught by a preacher that his feeling is a terrible sin. When he finally expresses his feelings, he has to face different kind of discrimination before a good-hearted girl befriends him. The book is filled with examples of the challenges that many gay Muslim children may experience and it also sends a message of camaraderie, bravery and acceptance.

I aimed this book at liberal Muslim parents who want their gay children to accept their sexual orientation and to teach their heterosexual children tolerance. As I want to reach as many people as possible, I uploaded the book to my website so people could read it for free. I also allow all NGOs to use the book for campaign purposes.

Salim'€™s Secret does not in any sense '€œpromote'€ homosexuality. Rather it aims to give gay children the self-esteem that they deserve.

They may not yet be able to comprehend books written by liberal Muslim activists or Musdah Mulia, but they need to know there are other interpretations of Islamic teachings outside those they may encounter at school. They need to know that people accept and will accept their unique selves.

This message is even more important right at a time, such as now, when homophobic comments abound. Like other children, gay children will shape the future of our country; together, they will determine whether it will be more tolerant towards those with different sexual orientations, or the opposite.
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The writer is the author of Salim'€™s Secret.