By examining Australian primary schools, at the very least from my daughter’s experience, I have found that behavioral understanding is very practical and is bolstered by the polite use of language. When it comes to showing respect for their friends and teachers, students are taught to use three important expressions: “please,” “thank you” and “sorry.”

 These words are of paramount significance, not for their semantic meanings, but for the social values they radiate to interlocutors and society. While a semantic understanding simply puts a limit on cognitive attainment, understanding values is efficacious in establishing harmonious relations between people.

 The use of “please” when expressing a request places a considerable emphasis on respect. In social interactions, respect is a seed of equality.

 When a child employs the word “please” when he or she makes a request or a demand for something from somebody, he or she is trained to understand that there are no superior-inferior hierarchies within social communication and rapport. Though the one who makes a request may be a moneyed aristocrat or millionaire, for instance, the use of the word “please” makes his or her company feel equal and far from being offended.

 It often happens that broken or dysfunctional families are not just a matter of meager income, but result from an unhealthy mode of communication among family members.

 Parents may believe their children are in frequent opposition to their wishes on account of their sons or daughters’ impolite choices of words when they converse. Similarly, children may find their parents unloving due to their command-style mode of communication.

Meanwhile, many companies succeed in increasing the productivity rate of work places when they have managers capable of inspiring employee enthusiasm. Emotionally speaking, the use of the word “please” can help set a sense of fear aside in relationships between managers and employees. Such leaders would be regarded for their inspiring actions instead of their fear-generating attitudes.

 Such is the case with the expression “thank you.” A child who is used to saying “thank you” in day-to-day interactions will be more attentive, more willing to offer compliments and less likely to complain. My daughter admits she prefers to see the good in people just because she is accustomed to thanking her friends on many occasions. In Islam, it is called husnuzhan.

 Many deem that praise is not a necessity and that criticism is a matter of right, particularly in business transactions and service. This is misleading. Complimenting is closely bound with linguistic habituation.

 Despite its simplicity, the frequent use of “thank you” suggests one’s recognition of the quality, value, significance or magnitude of others. That is why children accustomed to saying “thank you” are far from judgmental and enjoy showing admiration from a young age.

 In politics, the message behind “thank you” may draw politicians into seeking a common platform rather than magnifying their differences and pointing out other people’s mistakes and shortcomings.

 Why? — as my daughter often asks. Because they will honestly acknowledge that the good they see in other politicians is also in them. They would not be able to see that good if they did not have an inkling of what it was. Indonesia is in dire need of politicians who hold the belief that mutual kindness can energize transformations for people.

 Last, but not least, “sorry” is the next expression many Australians, in particular, use in their daily conversations. Saying “sorry” goes above and beyond the desire for forgiveness, it seeks to retain social intimacy and develop a sense of responsibility.

 Apologizing to others by saying “sorry” for mistakes made can minimize conflict and misunderstanding. An apology can help those offended or hurt feel comfortable. Saying sorry is a subtle way to seek clarification, allowing people to reconnect, which in turn leads to closer social intimacy.

 Also, saying “sorry” is an act of taking responsibility. A person offering an apology is a person of trust. Painful feelings of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior eventually vanish once an apology is made.

Saying “sorry” for an offence or wrongdoing is a gentleperson’s calling card. It is one of the most subtle, yet powerful, ways to show your consideration of others people’s feelings.

 Nothing is as important as being simple. Regardless of their simplicity, these three expressions — “please,” “thank you” and “sorry” — can help foster genuine engagements and forge strong bonds of humanity.

***

The writer, a lecturer in literary studies at Andalas University, is pursuing Ph.D at Deakin University, Australia.

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