(JP/J.Adiguna)

Chrisye was a high-paid model when, one day in September 1977, after one of her fashion shows, some friends introduced her to Adrie Nurmianto Subono, a jobless guy who had just returned from Germany.

Even though her friends adored him and saw him as handsome, for Chrisye Adrie was simply a “quiet yet decent” man. But Adrie’s unrelenting attempts to get to know her – he frequently drove her to and from fashion shows – eventually melted her heart.

After months of romance, they married in November 1978.

“Mas Adrie was very kind. He was the right person to talk with. That’s why he had a lot of friends – men and women,” said Chrisye, sitting beside the man who has been her husband for 30 years, in their spacious home in Pondok Indah, South Jakarta.

They are one of the couples in the entertainment industry who have managed to maintain a harmonious family life.

Before their marriage, relatives and friends doubted whether they could go the distance given their fundamental differences. They were born in the same year (1954) and have the same zodiac sign, but they have different faiths (Adrie is Muslim and Chrisye is Christian).

“How can you two build a harmonious family?” friends and relatives asked.

But Adrie and Chrisye have proved to relatives, friends and the public that they have been able to keep their ties strong by understanding each other and by being willing to make sacrifices.

“Living together with all of our differences for 30 years hasn’t been without struggle and sacrifice. We have been through good and bad times,” Adrie said.

The need for sacrifice became apparent even when their relationship was just beginning. Adrie asked Chrisye to give up modeling. With earnings of up to Rp 1 million a month –which was a lot in 1977 – it was a hard request for Chrisye to fulfill.

But, eager as she was to start a family, Chrisye agreed and the couple relied on Adrie’s monthly salary of Rp 60,000 (US$5.45).

“As the head of a family, I didn’t want to live in my wife’s shadow. That’s why I asked her to quit her job as a model. I learned from a friend who relied on his wife’s salary of and that man failed to build a harmonious family,” Adrie said.

“Perhaps that doesn’t apply these days, but that is what I thought was the best decision.”

The decision and the family’s financial condition that followed it were a strong motivation for Adrie to work harder. He told himself that he had to provide properly for Chrisye, who as a former model and the daughter of a professional banker had got used to a certain way of life.

“I only thought that I had to fight,” Adrie said.

Of course, the sacrifice Chrisye had made and the decision Adrie took are not the only reason they have stayed together. They shared common understanding from the beginning that marriage is something about “putting two different things together”.

“Marriage is how to manage two different personalities in one place,” Chrisye said. “There must be love, commitment and sacrifice. We each learn how to control our ego and cut it down to half. Combined with the ego of our spouse, it becomes one.”

Chrisye said Adrie had many female friends before marriage. But after they married, Chrisye asked him to show his commitment to their marriage by limiting his relationships with other women.

Adrie met her request.

“I see it as a commitment rather than a challenge,” he said. “When we decided to marry, we set a similar destination and goal – that is to live together until death. Also, there must be boundaries that we must not cross. Without all of those, it would be difficult.”

Mutual understanding is another key for their success in building a relationship on two different faiths. This understanding comes from a high appreciation and knowledge of each other’s religion.

“Problems can come from everywhere. We can make a problem as easily as we can avoid it. The differences between us can possibly be a big problem. But we don’t take it as problem,” said Adrie, who eventually worked in shipping before entering the music industry as a successful promoter.

Adrie and Chrisye shared the common belief that existing religions teach all humans to do

good things for happiness. With a Balinese in-law, there is now a Hindu in the family.

“We give our children the freedom to practice what they believe. We never offend each other’s religion. She [Chrisye] can put [a figure of] Jesus Christ everywhere and I can put the Holy Koran anywhere in the house,” he added.

The family also organized regular religious gathering attended by the family’s close Christian and Muslim friends on different days. Of course, Chrisye was always an excellent host for those services.

Since quitting her job in the fashion industry, Chrisye is often at home while Adrie is busy with his day-to-day activities arranging the shows of foreign artists in Jakarta under his JAVA Musikindo company. How do they find time to spend together?

“Since the kids have grown up, now the time is ours,” Chrisye said, referring to Melanie, Adrian and Christie. “We always stay together. At least, we spend time at the dinner table together.”

“It [having dinner together] looks like a simple thing, but for us it is important. It has a positive impact on us,” Adrie said, adding that sayur lodeh (spicy vegetables in coconut milk), ikan asin (salted fish) and petai are his favorite.

The love of home-cooked food is one way of demonstrating that Adrie is a family man – a man who is always there for his wife and children. This may be another reason why the couple keep their marriage strong.

The most romantic thing you remember?

Chrisye:

“It was long time ago, just a few weeks after our marriage. My sister was hospitalized Pertamina Hospital in South Jakarta. It was on the fifth floor. I challenged him [Adrie]: If he really loves me he must carry me upstairs. He did it. He held me in his arms and took me upstairs.”

Adrie:

“Sometime it is difficult to differentiate between romantic and habit. I tell you that my wife always puts toothpaste on my toothbrush every morning in our 30 years of marriage. When I tell this to some friends, they say ‘oh, how romantic it is’. But, for me, that is a habit. I don’t think we need to say I love you to our spouse. I am not that romantic anyway.”

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