Deciding whether to be religious or not is not that easy. Consider fasting:

You decide ahead of Ramadan, "OK I'll do this as I always have," even though you're in an increasingly agnostic mode. "Nothing to it," you think. It would be highly inconvenient not to fast because people might think you're permanently having your period, or permanently lazy.

Besides, you couldn't keep going to the water hole when colleagues are fasting. And the lady who owns the food stall across the road would keep reporting cheerfully to everyone that the mbak keeps coming to eat.

But once you've decided to fast - just for the sake of convenience - here's the catch.

The night before fasting begins with the mandatory statement of intent (even if no one hears it) "I intend to fast tomorrow in this month of Ramadan, from dawn until dusk, which is required because of Allah ta'alla." (Not because everyone else is fasting.)

Oh dear. This means you believe that all the signs mentioned in the Koran are enough for you. Period.

Then, there's the five daily prayers.

It's difficult to say "I'll just fast and not do the prayers *cos I'm not all that much of a believer," because they come in one package: Fasting is mandatory and so are the prayers.

When you've gone through the headaches of waking up for predawn meals, holding your thirst and zombie drowsiness (you're free to sleep, but you're still a zombie), and trying to look fresh all day, you don't want to feel that the fast is discounted because you didn't pray.

And each prayer begins with that similar statement: that you will carry out these prayers that are "required because of Allah ta'alla". (Not because of the selfish need to feel all your discomfort wasn't for nothing.)

Bother. You simply can't fast and be agnostic at the same time.

And the first words of each sholat (Islamic prayer) include the pretty awesome words, uttered by prince or pauper, "I surrender my sholat, my .., my life and my death to God, lillahi robbil a'lamin (Lord of the Universe).

No room for doubt there, regardless of the chasm between most Muslims with terrorists who take such phrases to the extremes of the kamikaze.

Dedicated atheists brand such submissions as lazy, for believers surrender to the illogical, irrational dogma of the all-powerful Unseen. Believers point to all the "clear signs": the perfection and beauty of nature, or "God's way" when things go horrendously wrong.

Stuck in the middle are those tugged this way and that, who can't make up their minds, consulting this book or that.

The works of former nun Karen Armstrong are among favorites on religion, sounding so respectful of all beliefs that you might be led to question, is she so brilliant in fooling us that she's a "freelance monotheist" when in fact she doesn't believe in any of that crap? That sure is one genius cop out. Come to think of it, you don't have to fast or anything if you're a freelance!

Which brings us back to square one. What's your choice? For an in-between it is hard; plain lazy is much easier.

A few friends have a way out. Just as in gambling, you don't lose anything if you believe there's a heaven and hell.

But you'd be at a great disadvantage if you didn't believe and suddenly found yourself at the gates of hell. Ouch!

- Ati Nurbaiti

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