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four-day fairytale-like royal wedding held at the Yogyakarta Palace earlier this week has made Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Bendara, 25, and Kanjeng Pangeran Haryo Yudanegara, 30, husband and wife.

The couple married after four and a half years of dating.

“It was not love at first sight,” said Bendara, the youngest daughter of Sultan Hamengkubuwono X and Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Hemas.

Born as Nurastuti Wijareni, or Reni as she is affectionately called, she said she found Yudanegara appealing the first time she met him at a mall in Jakarta as Achmad Ubaidillah, or Ubai as his friends call him.

“But there was not yet love,” said Reni, who described herself as punctual, efficient, highly motivated and eager to learn.

Ubai admitted the same thing, saying he had feelings for Reni but not yet the will to chase her. “She did not speak much the first time we were introduced to each other,” he said.

He added he even failed to get Reni’s cell number from her elder sister Ita, or Gusti Kanjeng Ratu Condrokirono, who introduced them in January 2007. “She told me to get the number myself directly from Reni.”

When he finally got Reni’s number the second time they met, at another mall, Ubai did not waste his time. He told her he was in love and frankly said he was in search of a wife and not just a date.

“When Reni said, ‘Let’s just let it flow’, for me it was more than enough to start building a relationship with her. I considered it a green light,” said Ubai.

He said he was proud that he could propose marriage with a daughter of a king, but insisted that it was mainly because of Reni herself that he made the proposal. “The fact that her parents are the sultan and sultana of Yogyakarta is just a bonus for me.”

As for Reni, Ubai is a responsible figure with a strong character. He is also protecting and understanding. “I found all those [qualities] in Ubai,” Reni said.

Ubai first met the sultan in April 2007, only a month after both were sure about their relationship. It was a family dinner at a five-star hotel in Yogyakarta held for the sultan’s 61st birthday.

“I saw this as a sign of Reni’s seriousness in our relationship,” he said.

Ubai said he was nervous the first time he met the sultan and other members of the royal family, but managed himself well and felt comfortable because of the warm reception he received both from the
sultan and other family members.

Just like other parents who meet a close friend of their daughter, the sultan asked Ubai many things about who he was, what he did, where he worked, where he lived, etc.

Those first relationship steps went smoothly for Ubai and Reni. But a challenge emerged three months later when Reni had to go back to Zurich to finish her studies at the International Hotel Management Institute in Switzerland.

When she had met Ubai in Jakarta, she was on a six-month leave for a vacation and a German language course.

“Yes, we once had a long-distance relationship for about six months. Alhamdulillah, everything went fine,” Reni said.

Ubai was thankful for the sophistication of communication technologies that made it possible to get in touch with Reni every day through either cell phones, Internet chatting or Skype. The only challenge was the time difference.

“When I arrived home from work at about 10 p.m. Jakarta time, it was 6 p.m. in Zurich, exactly the time Reni finished her school day. I had to adapt to it. Fortunately I always had the energy to talk with her until two o’clock in the morning,” Ubai said.

He added that the key success in a long-distance relationship with Reni was his willingness to share stories about what he did all day in the office, especially when he had to do things with his female staff.

“That way when Reni finally met a colleague I once told her about, she was not surprised,” said Ubai.

Born and raised in Jakarta, Ubai’s parents are originated from Lampung, Sumatra, so he knew very little about Javanese culture, much less the culture of Yogyakarta Palace.

This did not discourage him from learning about the culture, including the language, especially because the marriage ceremony was held entirely in high Javanese. During the wedding ceremony on Tuesday, he said his wedding vows fluently.

As for the royal family, Ubai is not the first in-law who was not from a royal family or Javanese.

“One of the wives of Eyang Sinuhun IX [Sultan HB IX] came from Bangka Belitung. The wife of some of my uncles come from Kalimantan and Sumatra,” Reni said.

Asked if she ever experienced culture shock in her relationship with a non-Javanese, Reni said she did, especially in the initial days of their relationship. “It was like Ubai was shouting when he was talking,” she said.

At first she told him not to get angry, but Ubai kept telling her he was not angry, it was just the way he talked. “Now I’m getting used to it,” said Reni, who calls Ubai “Ai”, an abbreviation of “sayang” in Indonesian, or honey in English.

Asked how many children they want to have, both said two were enough for them. “It doesn’t matter whether they are two sons, two daughters or a son and a daughter,” Ubai added.