M

ost men always knew they were dangerous. Now there'€™s proof. A woman is committing robberies by confronting cashiers and squirting breast milk at them from what we might prudishly call her '€œupper chestal region'€.

She twice approached shop counters in Darmstadt, Germany, lifted her upper garment and started shooting. While the cashier was distracted by the sight, she grabbed the money and ran.

This brilliant new crime technique should win her a place in history, as it leaves male shopkeepers totally stunned but does them no physical harm. They may even quite like it, to be honest.

'€œThe tricky thing is to decide whether we should now classify these body parts as weapons and legislate for them,'€ said the person who sent me the news report, a lawyer who did not want his name printed.

I told him that this woman (unnamed, since she had not been caught at the time of writing) was more successful than the similarly innovative bank robber in Jakarta who threatened to squirt chili sauce at bank staff.

In that instance, bank tellers refused to cooperate, not willing to spend the rest of their lives known as the people who had allowed themselves to be robbed at condiment-point.

Should everyone who enters public spaces wielding breasts or condiments be required to obtain weapons licenses? At this point, a colleague who reads the US press pointed out that we should add bananas to the list.

Earlier this year, a man robbed a store there by pointing a banana through the cloth of his jacket as if it was a gun. Staff caught the man, but he ate the banana before the police arrived. You can'€™t do that with a Magnum 44. Well, you can, but it would take a while.

Airports also have a broad definition of weapons. At an air security gate recently the man in front of me was made to take his shoes off. Within seconds, it became plainly obvious that his stinky socks were the real weapon of mass destruction, causing several of us to stampede back through the security gate for safety. That smell would give you ebola at 30 meters, I don'€™t care what the science says.

Even sound can be a weapon. A woman in Britain felt excruciating pain and fell to the floor vomiting every time she heard the voice of pop singer Ne-Yo, according to the Daily Mail. To stop the '€œbizarre affliction'€, Zoe Fennessy, 26, had part of her brain removed. Zoe, everybody feels like that when they hear the voice of pop singer Ne-Yo. It'€™s not an affliction. It'€™s called taste.

The problem is that since anything can be used as a weapon, the logical thing is to make everything illegal, which is what they do in China. I have a news cutting in my drawer about a Chinese '€œdrug smuggler'€ who was executed for '€œcaffeine distribution'€. In the rest of the world, if you distribute caffeine they make you a billionaire.

At least the Chinese system makes it easy for the police, who can detain miscreants even before the robberies have taken place.

'€œMadam, put that pair of weapons away and come with us.'€