I

am shocked and deeply upset at the death of a 5-year-old child, allegedly at the hands of his expat father, who is believed to be fighting with his former wife for custody of the boy ('€œMan charged with murder of son, 5'€; Thursday).

This tragedy highlights a number of issues about expatriate family life. First, despite the perception that expatriate families come to Singapore and '€œlive it large'€ in a Disneyland-type bubble, the reality is that expatriate life here can be very stressful.

Separation from family and friends back home, high-powered jobs with one parent absent on business trips, and localized packages that strip away many of the financial benefits expats once enjoyed have become the norm.

Expat life in Singapore is expensive, and many families are doing it on tight budgets, with few (if any) perks and virtually no access to subsidized amenities (housing, schools, medical care).

This brings with it innumerable stress.

As a community, and as a citizenry, we must begin to have the uncomfortable conversation about real expat life in Singapore.

Second, the reality of expat life is that marriages, inevitably, come under stress due to changes in routines as a result of relocating, changes in relationship dynamics when one spouse is no longer working or pursuing their career, and with children changing schools and culture shock.

In my research on expat divorce, marital stress among expatriates is found to be very high.

Yet, as a community, we rarely talk about it, because doing so results in those who dare bring it up being ostracized and stigmatized.

Instead, many families suffer in silence, with few resources available to cope with their situation.

Third, expat divorce in Singapore has reached epidemic levels.

My research now has more than 100 participants globally, with a substantial proportion based in Singapore '€” all of them spouses going through or having been through an expat divorce.

Yvonne McNulty
Straits Times/ANN/Singapore