R

ecently, my good friend'€™s father passed away after a prolonged illness. He was 78.

Three years earlier, his doctors had given up all hope on his recovery but there was disagreement among the siblings on whether they should turn off the life-support machine. While a number of the siblings felt strongly that life is sacred and should be valued, the others felt their dad'€™s suffering should not be prolonged.

When it came to meeting the escalating cost of hospitalization, the not-so-well-to-do siblings felt that their more well-off siblings should play their role. Of course, this caused further friction.

The three years were trying times for the whole family. Relatives (who meant well) provided a lot of recommendations in terms of where to get the best possible treatment and supplied the names of specialists and non-traditional healers who supposedly could do a better job.

The rest of the siblings expected my friend, being the one nearest to his dad and also the principal caregiver, and his wife to manage him as they had done over the past few years.

Initially, it was a case of giving his dad the best possible treatment with little consideration given to how much it would cost.

But soon his health started to deteriorate due to organ failure in addition to being afflicted with age-related diseases like dementia and Parkinson'€™s disease. He kept going in and out of the intensive care ward.

His vegetative state did not help. He could not communicate except to cry and groan when he was in deep pain.

Being a big person made matters worse. It was a real effort even to clean him, change his clothes and diapers and turn him over to prevent the onslaught of bedsores.

Many don'€™t realize this daily heavy burden to the caregiver especially when that person is a woman.

What about his dad'€™s quality of life? To put it simply, it was zero! If he could communicate in whatever way, it would have helped.

But everyone knew he was in constant pain as he groaned most of the time, and many of the siblings felt with certainty that their dad was pleading for his pain and suffering to be stopped.

So the sixty-four ringgit question is whether we all want to have a choice in the manner and timing of our imminent deaths especially when we have been diagnosed as terminally ill.

Be mindful that at this stage, the sick person with an incurable and painful illness not only has to endure physical pain but also mental torture and suffering.

Pola Singh
The Star/ANN/Kuala Lumpur