It is not a process that can be taught entirely in a school like mathematics or necessarily made easier when teachers institute a "reward system" when the child behaves in an acceptable manner.

What should parents expect from a preschool as it begins to foster acceptable behavior in very young children? How can parents act to re-enforce what the child receives in the classroom?

Being in the field of early childhood education myself, I am often amused by the handful of parents each year that deliver their two-year-old child to the care of our classrooms and demand that the school "teach my child not to be naughty".

Two-year-old children are by nature "naughty" in terms of adult behavior: they like to explore, get into things, make messes and generally do not pick up after themselves, and they frequently get into squabbles with their siblings and playmates.

They can, however, learn over time how to put belongings away, be tidier and limit their exploring to only the designated areas under the watchful eyes of an adult and to get along with friends and playmates.

In a classroom setting for very young children, educators usually divide rooms into a variety of areas of learning - one for blocks, one for language, etc. and parents can mimic this technique in the home environment to a certain degree.

Children learn quickly that toys can be grouped together in one area (by category) if the teachers instruct the children to "put things away" in that one place (we usually provide a few oversized containers to make this easier for the child).

Having children pack things up requires constant reminders. When done consistently by the child, a child's tidiness is re-enforced and encouraged by the adult who praises the child's accomplishments. This fosters the child's sense of self-esteem and self-control, vital ingredients in building the child's character.

It is also beneficial for adults to "set limits" for children. Adults can give the child very limited options (acceptable to the adult). When the adult says, "You may play with *A' or *B'," this informs the child what is "open" for exploration and empowers the child with decision-making.

In this way the adult remains in control of the environment (not the child), and the child learns how to "manage things" and control him or herself. In schools, good teachers use this technique constantly and parents should be able to readily recognize a group of children that has developed acceptable boundaries and follows the directions of the adult.

All parents are concerned about situations when a child exhibits "difficult behavior". Incidents when a child is overly aggressive playing with their friends and cannot manage their anger are especially troubling.

In school settings, it is not uncommon for some children who have not yet developed verbal skills to act out aggression through incidents such as biting, scratching, hitting and kicking.

It is a human characteristic to "lash out" at our offender, so often times violence and aggression becomes a cycle that can only be broken by the time it takes for the child to learn how to express emotional unhappiness using words.

Most parents do not have the patience to "wait out" this developmental stage, especially if it has been their child on the receiving end of aggression. In the classroom, a teacher should model acceptable behavior, praise positive behavior and comfort any injured party.

It should be made clear through the concerned emotional tone of a teacher's voice by saying to the offender that "we do not hurt each other in this classroom." Apologies should be encouraged as well as handshakes, and if the children are old enough, the incident should be talked over among the group of children.

This is the manner in which children begin to observe disagreements and reconciliations, experience and problem solve their own social skills.

In the school, teachers can use storybooks, puppets and other "props" to illustrate conflicts and how they can be resolved through words, kindness and caring actions. Parents can act as partners to the teacher by re-enforcing basic good behavior "do's" such as the Golden Rule during family quality time and interactions with siblings at home.

But there are always some obvious techniques regarding how a child learns self-control: if you do not want your child to yell, shout or scream indoors, then the adult should never do that either! That is why, in school we use our "inside voices" and reserve our "outside voices" for the playground.

The writer is operations director at Tutor Time International Preschool & Kindergarten.

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