For these couples, living together means that they could learn more from each other

Indonesia updated its Criminal Code (KUHP) on Dec. 6, 2022, when the House of Representatives enacted a revised version that ushered the country into a new era in which illiberalism and religious conservatism prevail.

At the House plenary session where the bill was passed, lawmakers and government officials claimed that they had softened the provisions widely deemed as draconian, such as criminalizing those insulting a sitting president and outlawing nonmarital sex and cohabitation.

The criminal code will not be in active use immediately, with a transition from the old code being made within three years.

Still concerned

Dani, a video editor based in Jakarta, is concerned about the new criminal code. The 26-year-old opined that the new criminal code is condemned as pasal karet (catchall articles) and breaches individuals’ privacy. Moreover, Dani added that the government should focus more on corruption.

An opinion piece in The Jakarta Post stated that the criminalization of cohabitation violates other human rights guaranteed by the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR). This includes the right to family life, a right that, as international human-rights law acknowledges, may be exercised and undertaken by two cohabiting partners without the need for them to be married to one another.

However, in a recent report by the Post, officials confirm that the new criminal code that prohibits unmarried couples from living together aims to uphold “Indonesian values” as the world’s largest Muslim-majority nation.

Meeting half way: Some couples shared that cohabiting has taught them how to coexist with two different characters and solve problems that might be faced by married couples (Pexel/altan can) (Pexel/altan can)

Dani was not only concerned about how the criminal code might be criminalizing individuals cohabiting together and how the new criminal code could lead to the erosion of press freedom, privacy and human rights in Indonesia, the world’s third-largest democratic nation.

“Wouldn’t it be a hassle to report [on cohabiting couples] all the time? That’s a private matter,” Dani said.

Edward Omar Sharif Hiariej, Deputy Law and Human Rights Minister, said that cohabitation offenses would only be prosecuted if a concerned family member, such as a spouse, parent or child, made a report on it. Meanwhile, adultery had already been illegal for years under the previous criminal code.

By far, Dani’s families are fortunately openminded about the idea of him and his girlfriend living together. Sometimes, his girlfriend’s family would joke about them getting married as soon as possible.

“When that question comes up [asking me to get married] I would casually joke that I’m still trying to save up cash,” Dani said.

Learning from each other

While cohabitation in eastern countries, including Indonesia, is considered taboo, for Generation Zers (Gen-Z), cohabiting before marriage provides a chance for them to get to know each other better.

Bunga, a surfer enthusiast who opted not to use her real name, has worked in Bali for the last ten years. She shared that cohabiting with her boyfriend, who works in the tourism sector in the United Kingdom, helps her understand him better as they only meet semi-annually.

However, Bunga added that the idea of cohabiting with her partner is also based on her mother’s marriage experience, whom she described as “unhappy”. For her, cohabiting before marriage allows her to learn how to deal emotionally with her future husband.

“I know that [my mother] is unhappy with her marriage, but getting a divorce isn’t a choice either because it’s also taboo in Indonesia,” Bunga, who has been living with her boyfriend for the last three years, said.

Setting the future: Some couples revealed that cohabiting has made them learn about managing their financial plans.(Pexel/maitree rimthong) (Pexel/maitree rimthong)

“Merely knowing or not knowing his traits is pointless. For example, how would we know if we could stand [him] when he is moody,” the 28-year-old continued.

According to KataData, divorce cases processed in Indonesian Religious Courts are still rife. The divorce rate has increased by 54 percent compared to 2020 and 2021, from 291,677 to 447,743 cases. The most common causes of divorce throughout 2021 include ongoing (disharmonious) disputes and quarrels, reported approximately 279,205 cases. Moreover, divorce cases motivated by economic reasons were recorded in as many as 113,343 cases.

Dara, who also chose not to reveal her real name, is a 27-year-old working in a human resource department at one of the contracting and design firms based in Jakarta. She says cohabiting has helped her and her partner to get to know each other better. In her sharing session, Dara shared how she learned to deal with her boyfriend’s "stupid" behavior, such as leaving the wet towel on top of the bed.

For Dara, adjusting to her boyfriend’s behavior took some time. It could take at least six months to settle all the differences. Hence, cohabiting was by far the more suitable situation for her.

The financial side

While emotional connection is the main reason couples cohabit, financial reasons contribute even more.

As an out-of-towner, Dara lives far away from her parents in Bandung, West Java. She said that living with her boyfriend would cut a lot of living costs to halve. Broken down, her expenses while living with her boyfriend in kos-kosan (rooming houses) cost Rp 1.3 million (US$83.03), including groceries and an internet subscription. Residing by herself, the cost would be twice as much.

To Bunga, cohabiting has taught her and her boyfriend how to anticipate financial hurdles in the future when they are getting married. Bunga also recalled from her experience that her mother faced a financial challenge during her marriage but could not express it.

Bunga further shared that her mother could not bear seeing her daughter having a similar experience, so she is open to the idea of Bunga cohabiting with her boyfriend.

“I once politely spoke with them. If I never witness any happiness inside their marriage, that fact hurts me every day,” Bunga said.

“As marriage is for good, taking a divorce when the path is rocky is also unacceptable. Thus, we need time to [get to] know our partner,” Bunga concluded.

Lastly, a 37-year-old clinical psychologist focusing on romantic relationships, Pingkan Rumondor, explained that although there has not been enough research on cohabiting couples in Indonesia, it should be understood that the most critical thing about cohabitation is mutual consent between the couple.

The consent created by both parties includes freedom to work, financial freedom and other matters agreed upon.

“It’s not the cohabitation that ensures the longevity of a relationship, but whether or not it’s based on a clear commitment,” Pingkan said.

Based on her observation, cohabiting without a proper commitment could create trouble for the couple as it could trigger violence in the relationship.

“Again, it’s all about commitment. That’s what matters the most in every relationship,” Pingkan closed.