I

t was a glittery night. The stars shone their sparkles through the silhouette of leaves and branches among pretty hanging colorful lanterns, and chill-out music was playing on that relaxing weekend night.

Four of us were on a double date, sitting under the moonlight, tossing our glasses of cocktails and enjoying the serenity and fabulousity of life and blah-blahing about everything, until I was asked by one of the opposite couple, "Hey Diaz, do you normally have breakfast in the morning?"

"Yeah, I have toast or oatmeal with a coffee. Why?"

"That's nice. I usually just have a coffee and a fight."

My boyfriend and I suddenly felt uncomfortable "smelling" a hint of dirty laundry from this couple. I don't know if it was the cocktails that finally made him reach that level of openness, or was it that Andrew just thought he could stir up the calm evening with his little drama?

The bottom line was, we knew there was something wrong between them, and perhaps that night could have been the night when we would have to listen to all their problems and act as marriage counselors.

Andrew and Joey have been together six years. Andrew is a lover and a full-time dedicated husband, while Joey is a vibrant, inexperienced and stubborn young lad. Somehow I sensed their sensitivity and emotions could easily spark World War III when they met their differences.

For the past three years I have heard more wars than peace from them, and I am always curious why they're still together.

Relationships are works of art. How can we not see them as creative compositions when the motives behind them are limitlessly varied beyond true love? Many couples are in relationships without realizing that they're not meant to be with each other and have nothing in common. Observe them typically in a restaurant, expressionlessly eating at a table but with no interaction, like there's an invisible wall between them.

Others use relationships as a means to survive, for the heck of having status or a roof. And others keep relationships because they're so used to being together after a long while and its hard to break the chains even though there's no more flame.

A "senior relationship citizen" friend of mine taught me about the three different levels of difficulties in a relationship. Basic is "the Plate Level" between three to six years when sometimes you'll find ceramic UFOs (which can be China plates, bottles or jars) flying around your house smashing innocent walls and floors while you fight in a high pitch notes.

Then the intermediate is "the Microwave level" between six to nine years when you and your partner don't find satisfaction playing catcher and pitcher with plates and glasses any more, and aim for heavier ovens or microwaves to throw.

And finally, there's "the Dessert Level" for nine years and above, when you can take your partner's angry voice like a classical instrument to inspire you to bake a fabulous chocolate cake during the whole argument process.

Of course, it can be extremely difficult to synchronize two different people in a very personal collaboration. Many couples get uneasy when they disagree on things they want to do; foods they want to eat; or places they want to go. In some cases when one partner is not feeling like doing something, they'd rather cancel the whole thing instead of going separate ways.

Having a relationship makes an individual become less independent, and means we have to direct ourselves to some extent according to "the law of togetherness". No matter what, the feeling of dragging on each other's feet will never be a beneficial thing.

The best notion in a relationship should be asymmetry, where it's actually a balanced division - but not necessarily equal on both sides. Compromising in a relationship sometimes requires dominance rather than forever likeness. Pushing similarity in an unnatural way can result either in constant fights or couples growing in different directions.

So be it when your interest in natural adventures clashes with your partner's preference for bar hopping, or when your craving for a pork chops is de-motivated by your partner's choice of healthy greens. Just go separately. So what? Aren't the differences between two people that complement each other the ingredients of good harmony?

Imagine if a song consisted only of do-re-mi notes. It would be a death chant! If your partner likes to sing "do-re-mi", you'd better be a maestro in "fa-so-la-ti" to create wider choices of songs. And even if you accidentally create a heavy metal or blues sound from time to time, it will add melody to your long-term arrangement.

One thing is for sure. I'd prefer to have my coffee with toast, omelet or oatmeal than a fight. How about you? When you love someone, don't let them go, just let them be, but don't lose yourself.